I abruptly woke up at 5am on October 16, 2011 from a 36+ hour bus ride from India to the most breathtaking yet slightly terrifying mountainous terrain in Nepal.
I was instantly surprised at the beauty around me from the minute I woke up, wondering where in the world are we?!
Little did I know there were more abrupt surprises ahead (probably more than I would have wanted or asked for)!
I walked into this month with a new role and a new DEPENDENCY on the Lord.
So desperate. So hungry. So thirsty…for more and more of Him.
And expected the Lord to speak so clearly and feel so close Him.
Instead, I found myself asking on a daily basis,
“WHERE ARE YOU, LORD?”
Month 4 = the hardest, most challenging month of my entire race.
His voice wasn’t clear.
He seemed nowhere to be found.
His word was not speaking to me.
I entered into the driest of deserts.
I was exhausted and felt alone.
I would seek Him and couldn’t find Him.
I begged for more of God. I asked for a deeper dependency. A sweeter intimacy.
And I didn’t realize it was gonna take a desert to get me there.
The Lord broke me. humbled me. brought me to my knees. and stripped me of everything I was holding on to.
This month was a whirlwind. Most of the days I had no clue what I was doing. Traveling this month kicked my butt. And I found myself questioning my purpose and place.
Finally, it hit me… SPIRIT RISE UP inside of me.
The Holy Spirit is LIVING inside of me. How much closer can He get? He is closer than skin.
And I refuse to listen to the lies of the enemy that He is not near. Because He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.So I started praying- even harder in this desert land and wilderness.
keep me hungry. keep me passionate. keep me searching…even when your face is hidden.
It wasn’t until the last week when we were worshipping one morning and the Lord asked me to step outside the room and get alone with Him. And that’s when I heard Him speaking clearly to my heart.
1 Kings 19:11-13 :The Lord said to Elijah, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
(ps this was my view on the rooftop)
He was in the gentle whisper.
Michelle,
My daugther,
Who do I say you are?
Come away with me just a little longer- those times of escape and silence is when you will hear My voice.
I prepare you in the secret place.
Give me your whole heart.
Leave everything behind.
Don't be alarmed when things don't go as expected.
My plans are so much better than
yours.
Take nothing for the journey ahead except a staff (Your identity in Me.)
Wait on me… don’t get bored in the waiting. That is where You will find me.
I am making everything NEW.
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Psalm 40-
I waited paitenty for the Lord; He turned to Me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a FIRM place to stand. He put a NEW song in my mouth.
Nepal was the hardest- most challenging month spiritually and physically, yet the Lord never left me. He was with me the WHOLE time. And growth was taking place even when I didn’t see it.
He put a NEW song and dance in my heart.
“Weeping may remain for a night BUT rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5
Thankful for the challenges I was faced in Nepal. I'm even thankful for the desert I was in. It brought me so much closer to Him.
