It was just another day riding to school in our tuk-tuk when I started feeling some heaviness as I thought about going home and adjusting back to a place full of worldly distractions. How am I supposed to adapt to the lifestyle of home again? How will I bear not having my tight knit community of sisters / my team? I felt defeated about not having the raw and real community life I’ve experienced on the race back at home.
With all of these thoughts running through my mind, I watched the beautiful scenery pass me by outside the tuk-tuk. The defined white clouds, all the cows in the fields, and the muddy dirt we drove across… I had a moment of despair about leaving this place. I have changed. The thought of living here in this simplicity was enticing – I could really do this. I loved it here. I found purpose in the simplicity and saw so much hope.
With all of these emotions, new desires, perspective, and knowing that the days to home inched closer, I became lost in how I should BE once I got back home. How could I continue to live this lifestyle I’ve adjusted to back at home, where I’d probably be the odd one out of the majority?
It’s pretty cool how in the whirlwind of thoughts, the Lord never fails to reach out to me. This time he showed me a vivid vision of burning coal.
I visualized a setting where swords are molded and created in fire. A pile of coal burned in a furnace. The heat never died. He showed me two different scenarios. I saw one coal (me) being removed from the larger pile (the world racers). It burned bright and hot but only for a while. God showed me how I could make a choice. I could choose to keep the fire to myself by staying isolated from others just because no one understood me or I could gather myself with other coals that haven’t touched the fire yet and allow it to spark so we could all stay lit and on fire (community).
He showed me how powerful we could be if we choose to take the first step and initiative. He showed me how we had the anointing of the Holy Spirit. I know home sounds terrifying and at times it doesn’t make any sense. We won’t have that tight knit community life we may have experienced on the race. The Lord will place us each in different paths. Some of us will have time at home where we can bring the light back into our families, church communities, and friends.
The question is will we choose to fit back into the comforts of life and what the world considers the “norm”? Will we do it because we fear feeling like outcasts or that people won’t understand us. Will we turn our backs on all that the Lord has shown us this year? I mean, we’ve tasted and seen just too much to settle for less, right? God has MORE!
I honestly feel like this year was all about the Lord molding us to whom He’s created us to be. To truly find our identity in Him and be firmly rooted. He was preparing us for the real challenge: home and whatever’s next in our lives. Going home will be a true test of our faith in God. As tempting as the world may be, it gives me HOPE that our Father never changes and will ALWAYS be there with us every step of the way. He just asks us to boldly and confidently walk out in Christ, trusting that He is leading us every step of the way.
So, let’s be that burning coal that’s just crackling in the Spirit, ready to spark onto others. Let’s bring the flame back where it’ll cause a wild fire to spread over the people we encounter.
I mean, what’s there to lose? I can already see Papa smiling down at us for stepping out in faith and saying YES to Him, even in our daily lives.
My Dad was right. Before leaving on the race, He tried to convince me that I was walking into something MORE than I could possibly imagine. I wasn’t just choosing into a year of experience and self-growing, but rather a lifestyle.
He doesn’t know the Lord yet, but he had words of wisdom that still blows me away till this day. I thought I was just saying YES to surrendering this year, but the Lord has been walking me through a season of never being able to go back. As scary as this sounds, I’m so excited for the adventure He has for me!
