Going into this month, I was really struggling. Struggling to be content with being on the race. Like I have said over the past few blogs, the honeymoon stage of the race was over with. And I was really starting to feel it.
Cambodia is definitely a different country than the other places we have been to in Asia. Sometimes it’s referred to as the Africa of Asia. And I could see why as soon as we headed down the road in the tuk tuk to our ministry site. The country is struggling and at first glance, not a whole lot attractiveness about it.
And I struggled. I was at the point where I didn’t get pumped up or excited for the new ministry. I was seeing it as another month to get through in order to get back to the U.S. Which is such an awful mindset to have, especially when that sight is still 5 months away. And the temptation was there to start a countdown of the days until I was back home in Indiana. I never actually did start the countdown, but I was to that point. Especially with the halfway point of the race being in this month.
The first week was hard. It was tiring. I ended up getting sick during the first full week of teaching. It wiped me out for a day where all I did was sleep the entire day away. As that day ended, I knew I couldn’t keep on feeling this way, both mentally and physically. And I started to question and ask the Lord why it was so hard? Why was I struggling so much in being on the race?
Here I was. In month 6 of the race. And I’m traveling all over the world. Instead of having a 9 to 5 job in the U.S., my ‘job’ is getting to go to a different country every 3-4 weeks and share Jesus with the people there. Who wouldn’t be pumped about this opportunity? I would have raised me hand up at that point. Instead of being excited and pumped about the opportunity, I was wishing it away.
As I continued to dig into the Word, which I’m still not quite sure how or why that happened when I was feeling the way that I was, I found the answers to the questions I had for the Lord. I was reading through Psalms and John this month and the answers became more and more clear.
As Jesus calls his first disciples and asks them to follow him, he meets them where they are. And doesn’t ask them to reach a certain point before they can follow him. He just asks them in the state that they are in.
Then in his first opportunities of ministry, whether talking with the woman at the well, or healing the centurion’s son, Jesus sees the needs people have. And before they even think about following him, he meets their needs. Where they are lacking, he produces and fulfills it. And then they proceed to follow him and share of who He is.
So here I was in the early weeks of month six, and having a lack of joy. That was my need. And I realized joy isn’t something that you can force. You can force and fake happiness, but you can’t fake joy. And the Lord was asking me to keep on coming to him because he was going to meet that need this month.
As I reading through Psalms, I was getting to chapters 103, 104, & 105. I know I referenced 104 in my last blog. And as I continued to read each morning, I was blown away. The Lord is so good to me. The Lord is so good. My teammate, Emily, shared a quote she had read that said something like this: “The Lord can’t ever be exaggerated.” And it’s so true. As I was reading the characteristics of this God that I’m serving, I was overwhelmed at who He is. And yet some days, the words just didn’t seem adequate enough to describe how good and awesome He is.
And that’s when it hit me. Philippians 4:4 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”It says rejoice in the LORD. It doesn’t say rejoice in your circumstances. But in the Lord. And that was the problem with my mindset.
And it’s not that the race is awful and my circumstances are awful all the time. Because they aren’t. But it’s a lot harder than I ever anticipated. And hardness is tiring.
But as soon as I took my focus off of my circumstances and started to see who God was and is, I couldn’t help but rejoice. This overflowing joy filled my heart. I felt this giddiness, like a kid on Christmas morning, each morning as I opened the Word and met with the Lord. I couldn’t wait to read the pages and have Him show me more of who He is. I couldn’t wait to get to school and teach the kids. I could feel it radiating from within me to the rest of the world.
And my whole mindset shifted. Because I was rejoicing in the Lord each day instead of my circumstances. And that really changed the rest of my month in Cambodia. In fact, it’s probably my favorite month of ministry thus far. Sure it was hard and tiring, but I knew the Lord was my strength and was going to be steadfast in meeting my need of joy if I kept on looking to him.
And I can truly say that I’m excited and looking forward to the rest of the race. As Cambodia and Asia comes to a close, and I enter into the next country and last continent, there’s not even a hint of temptation to count down the days left on the race. Sure, I’m still excited to eventually be back in the U.S. when the time comes, but I don’t dread the fact that we still have 5 months and 5 countries left on the race.
Because my heart isn’t set on my circumstances, especially since they change so often. But I’m rejoicing in the Lord and who He is. And I’m rejoicing in His faithfulness and steadfast love to fill me up each day because that’s just who He is. And rejoicing in the fact that I’m no longer trying to fake joy because that was impossible and just sucked and I was terrible at it.
Also, here’s the link to watch a video I made for the church kids back home, as they were learning about missions. It’s a little glimpse of what my month looked like. Be on the lookout for more videos in the near future.
Missions in Cambodia – click on the link to watch my video!
