My previous boss from camp, Jason, always challenged us summer staff with the question of “Why are you here?” a couple of times throughout the summer. And he stressed the importance of knowing your why because that was going to be the driving force to keep you going through each day, especially during the hard ones. Four summers later, I’m going back to that important and pivotal talk.
And as I sit here, at the beginning of month 6, almost to the halfway point in the race, I find myself asking myself that same question. Why am I here? What is my driving force in each day? And for a couple of days, I was at a loss for what the answer was.
It was an easy answer before. Before leaving for the race, it was an easy to answer why I wanted to go on the race. An easy answer because I had no idea what the race was really going to be like. An answer based on expectations of an imaginative reality of what I thought would come. I was going on the race to see what the Lord was doing in the rest of the world. To see His Kingdom already at work. And to get God out of the boxes I had put Him in.
But now that I’m on the race, and have a better sense of reality of the race, my initial answer of why has become lost. Or rather changed. Not that I’m completely closing my eyes to what the Lord is doing in the rest of the world. Because I still see that each day, each month. But that’s not really my driving force anymore. It’s a feel good answer, but not an answer that’s from my heart. It’s not the thing that keeps me going each day.
So what is? Why am I here? In Cambodia?
This month, our ministry is teaching English at a school each day. I am teaching 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and 10th graders. I have never taught school before. Yet, I find myself being responsible for their learning of English. In a country where poverty is more relevant in their homes than not. Where some of the kids in my classroom are being raised in an orphanage. And I find myself wanting so much more for their futures. So many of them want to become doctors and teachers. And more than anything, I want that for them too. I want them to be successful and be able to provide and care for their families well. To achieve their dreams. To change the outcome of their lives. To be able to thrive instead of struggle to get by. To be able to see that God is a God who cares and sees their dreams and desires and wants to see those things happen.
So for this month, my why is teaching English as well as I can and pouring out everything I have into their lives, that maybe it will impact them just a little in a way for a brighter future. Knowing English is definitely helpful in having a better career here in Cambodia. So even if they pick up a few basic phrases and vocabulary, it may be the difference in their future. So I’m going to do my best to teach them English each day. To pour out everything I know and have to give every day. Because their future is my why. Why I am striving each day, even on the days where I am exhausted or didn’t have a good night of rest sleeping on the tile floor. Because they are worth it. And they are the future of Cambodia and to building God’s Kingdom here.
So why am I here? I am here to teach them what I know in hopes for a brighter future for them.
