I’ve been home for a little over 2 weeks now. And boy, has it been challenging facing the two months separating me from training camp and launch. I went from training camp constantly being around 35 other people I love to a quiet apartment that isn’t quite as lovely and comforting. As an introvert, I thought living amongst constant community would be such a struggle. But now that I’m home, being by myself is the hardest of all. It’s interesting being back after such an impactful week and a half too.
Some people I was excited to share camp with didn’t necessarily respond and listen the way I envisioned. But yet, I’ve had some really great conversations with people I never anticipated to either. Work is getting super busy with the Christmas season and the day I love to hate [Black Friday] approaching. Which in the retail world makes me completely forget that there’s another holiday [Thanksgiving] still in there before Christmas. But I think the biggest challenge for me right now is knowing what to do with this two month season of life left that I know is just temporary.
The two month time span between now and then. I feel like I’m constantly being tugged into two different realms: the realm of being super excited and looking forward to what’s ahead and trying to prepare as much as possible for what’s ahead, and the realm of focusing so much on what is at hand. I feel caught in the middle. Like there’s no possible balance of the two.
And then there’s the whole surreal moments where I find myself in this mind trap, well more like a fog, of did training camp really happen? Was I really in Georgia for ten days? Did I really camp outside in my tent? Did I really find a place in a new family with my teammates?
But it did happen. I’m constantly reminded of that. Every day. And am still learning lessons from training camp as I have the opportunities to talk about it with friends. Then the reality of this season of life is coming to close comes crashing down on me with a mild freak out of THERE’S SO MUCH STILL LEFT TO DO.
It seems like as time gets shorter to leave, my list of things to do gets longer and longer. How does that work? Isn’t it supposed to get shorter as time goes on? But nope, that list is still there. All the details of moving out of my apartment at the end of the month and wrapping that up, moving in with friends for a few weeks and then being with family for a few weeks. Talk about a lot of packing and for so many different scenarios. Needless to say, not one box is packed yet. Then there’s of course trying to prepare for the world race and last purchases to make and errands to run. And then trying to figure out how to prepare for life while I’m gone next year too. And the list goes on. And not to bore you, because I’m sure everyone has their lists. But more of an honesty, this-is-where-I’m-at, update for you.
At the end of the list, or rather the goal of my list, is ending well. In reality, when January 7th comes along and I arrive in Atlanta, this chapter of my life is going to close. That will be a wrap for this season of life. And I want to end well. I want to end my job well. I want to leave friends well, not necessarily saying goodbye or shutting the door on every relationship, but leaving well. Because honestly, I’m not coming back as the same person.
The Michelle Mason I know now will cease to exist and remain the same when I return after eleven months. And I am confident because I see the work the Lord has done in my life in the ten days at training camp and am confident that His work is going to continue over the course of the eleven months on the race. I know my life is going to change. I would be thoroughly disappointed and wonder what the heck I did for the eleven months if I came back the same person. So I’m striving after change. Striving after letting the Lord work in me and through me on this journey.
So still the question looms of how do I balance what is now with what is to come? How do I stay in a healthy place with where I’m at and where I’m going to be?
One of the speakers at training camp shared the wisdom of being 100% present to be 100% absent. I didn’t quite know what to make of it at first. But now that I’m home, I get it. And I’m wrestling with it. There’s still that element of wanting to make sure I’m making time to prepare for the race and being a team leader and such. But there’s also the fact that I’m going to be gone for eleven months. I need, rather, I WANT to spend time with friends and family. Not to help time go by quickly, but because I want to spend time with them. I won’t be able to take back these two months once they are gone and I am on the race. But I want to look back on them with fondness knowing they were filled with great moments and conversations of worth and only deepening my relationships with others.
So that is why I’m striving over the next two months to be fully and 100% present so I can be 100% absent January 7th.
