I’ve been asking myself for a few weeks now, what am I doing here? What is my purpose or my place? Why am I travelling for a year, never staying anywhere long enough to really get involved. I’ve been trying to find something that I excel at or something that I’m “needed” for.
The Lord has answered, loud and clear. There’s nothing. You are needed as a vessel, but it’s not about you. It’s not about your glory or your place. And you can be many things. Not that you should try to be everything, but sometimes you just need to show up and obey the Lord. And that’s enough. I might take me to a particular position. But it might not. That’s okay.
I’ve been shown a pretty clear example of just showing up this month.
My parents are from Malaysia, but I was born and raised in Canada. Having visited Malaysia, I picked this route for Malaysia. And then I stopped thinking about it. Going into this month here I was nervous because of my own expectations and pressure. Within the first few days we were assigned a new team and a ministry. We get there and I recognize that it’s near my dad’s hometown and reachable for a lot of my family. That’s cool. I’m thanking the Lord for that. I could have been hours away.
But, a couple days in, my mom sends me and old picture. It’s 6 year old me and my sister and the founders of the children’s home we’re at for ministry this month.
The Lord put me here, to serve, at the children’s home started by my dad’s old pastor. This is the pastor that invited him to church (and really, soccer games) before he was a Christian and baptized him when he was. This is the pastor I didn’t know existed and my dad often doesn’t have time to visit when we are in Malaysia.
And the Lord has used me as an encouragement here, though all I did was show up.
It constantly reminds me of how perfect God’s timing and plan is. And it is the power of a God who knew I would exist and I would come back here, years ago, when no one even considered that to be the plan. It is a reminder that every single effort put forth can be used by the Lord with great ramifications, if we choose to do it. And we don’t know what we will see years later or if we will see it. But that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
In this I’m reminded that God is really doing all of it. No matter what people see in me, it’s glory for the Lord. I don’t have to have the pressure of doing it right. Sometimes, I just need to show up.
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