God straight up dropkicked and judy-chopped my heart this month to learn what I needed to learn. I said earlier that I went on an internet fast because God was telling me to give that up not really knowing why. I know now that God asked me to give up that time to really get to know the other World Racers, pour into them and serve them.
Trumpets of One, Wrecked 52:7 and 3 other N Squad teams were out in Byron Bay. Some ministry was to build relationships with people, serve the Byron Youth Center (repainting/cooking/etc.) worship God in the park for 24 hours and pretty much love people the same way Christ has loved us.
My ministry was different but not really…. I hate being odd woman out and yet again for the 2nd month in a row. I have always had a passion for people but I find that more so recently, my heart breaks for other World Racers. This month (February) my ministry were the World Racers. God asked me to serve my teammates and the others on the World Race. Me being stubborn and prideful and caught up with not wanting to miss out and always wanting to be in the spotlight made it more difficult than it should have been. It came with ease to discredit the work (encourage and serve the squads) God wanted me to do because to me it wasn’t as God glorifying as what everyone else had been doing.
My life had been a performance. I performed to do well. I performed to try to get my parent’s attention. I performed to get everyone to like me. My life was to entertain and full of how much of a Christian I can show you that I can be. I have always been in the spotlight.
My pride got in the way. We are as a whole, one body of Christ. I have a right to rejoice with my brothers and sisters because together we are glorifying God and he is working through us… not them or just me but us as a whole. Who am I to discredit what the Lord tells me to joyfully do? I am unique and God created me with a purpose with the intention that no one else could do what I do. HE CHOSE ME. He chose me to encourage and serve my brothers and sisters.
That was my Byron Bay. He didn’t call me to be flashy. He didn’t call me to be loud. He didn’t call me to perform. He called me to love and serve my teammates. God taught me and is still teaching me to be silent and really listen to his voice. Submission. Obedience. He provides. He shows up. It is so liberating and to experience the transformation of being Miss Independent to being dependent on my God. From thinking I could do it all on my own to knowing I can’t do anything without him.
God gave me a huge bold personality for a reason, but I needed to learn to listen. Up until recently, I could not be shaken. The fear of God shakes me. The love of God moves me.
God is mighty and is working in mighty ways. I am realizing that without my voice, God speaks and it really isn’t mine. When I speak, its his voice that shakes and stirs. I am an empty vessel and he uses me to bring glory to his kingdom…. Not for me, not for anyone else.. But it’s all for him.
I praise God and thank him for round house kicking me off my high horse and still loving me as a hot mess of a woman and still allowing me to encourage his beautiful children and choosing me.
