As I was preparing to go on the World Race, one of the things I was praying for was that during the journey God would help me break down one of my strongest idols: comfort. Physical comfort and emotional comfort. As my mother stated before I left, “You’ve been living like a princess all of your life. How are you going to handle living another way?” My parents were born and raised in the Dominican Republic and grew up living a very different life than I did. I was raised in comfort. I’ve never really had to deny myself anything. My family was by no means rich growing up, but we never wanted for much.
I knew that being on the Race would be different, and I was excited for the chance to be pulled out of my life of ease and complacency and start something new. It was time to face my idol and get out of the “Have-It-Your-Way” American lifestyle. I was, to be completely honest, a little fed up with the way I was living and my lack of self-discipline. But I couldn’t seem to break my habits completely. God had worked on me but I still had a long way to go. After being accepted onto the World Race, I thought this would finally be a real chance to change.
Then we got to Zambia. Travel was a little rough. It took us 6 days to get to our location. But overall, nothing too terrible. We always had bathrooms available and a place to sleep. We were supposed to be staying at a backpackers (like a hostel) in tents while here, but our host had decided against it since there was no place to secure our belongings and since it is rainy season in Zambia, tents would be a real challenge. So instead, we arrived at a house with 5 rooms, some beds, couches, a kitchen and fridge, electricity and running water, two bathrooms and a working shower. Wifi was a block away and easily affordable, and there was plenty good food to be had within walking distance of our house. It was more than we had hoped for. Sure there were bugs and it was so hot but overall, we had it easy. We were the beach team. I thought, “Well, maybe God is easing me into this new lifestyle. Maybe this is just the first step.”
Then we went to spend the weekend in the village. We slept in our tents, which was nothing new to us so wasn’t so bad. There was no electricity or real running water, but it was only a weekend so that didn’t seem so bad either. Things seemed okay.
Until my team and I ventured out to the bathroom that night for the first time. It was a compost bathroom, meaning they used the waste as fertilizer for plants. It was also a squatty potty. It was dark, and we were surrounded by the sound of what seemed like a million frogs all croaking at once. There were no lights, so we had our headlamps, but every time we turned them on the bugs would swarm our face. I didn’t even know how to use the bathroom when I walked in. I had never seen anything like it. It was a stone slab with a beaker-shaped hole cut into it, with two raised platforms for your feet. The toilet paper was soaked from having rained the night before, but luckily my team had brought some backup.
It was awkward and uncomfortable and the bugs were swarming you and the frogs were croaking and it smelled so incredibly bad. Overall, it was the worst bathroom experience I had ever had. The rest of my team agreed. We were all traumatized.
We went to sleep in our individual tents and I thought about how I really did not want to have to go back to use that bathroom in the morning, but I knew I would have to. I fell asleep eventually, despite the croaking frogs.
When I woke up, I stayed in my tent for a while and reflected. In a few minutes, I would have to use the bathroom again. It was light now, which would probably be better, but not by much. It occurred to me that the problem I was having was an issue of comfort. Going to the bathroom had suddenly become an incredibly uncomfortable experience for me. Something I was so used to and had taken for granted had become a bit harder to deal with. Wasn’t this what I had prayed for? Wasn’t God answering my prayers in this moment?
My initial reaction was to want to take the prayer back. Never mind, God, I didn’t mean it. I like my life of comfort and ease. I don’t need to change. But those words didn’t sit well with my spirit. Instead, I started to feel my heart change. Instead of dreading using the bathroom again, I decided to thank God for the chance to break down my idol. I asked him to show me how comfort isn’t everything, and how people make it through uncomfortable things every day, and that was okay. It was time for me to release my hold on this idol of mine and let God work.
Sure, this is just a stupid toilet story, but what it taught me was worth so much more. Because it’s not just about physical comfort. The Lord showed me later that week that maybe even more than the physical comfort being an idol, it’s the emotional comfort that I idolize even more. My desire to always be in a state of steadiness and stability, never having any conflict or emotion take over me, was also an idol.
I will face more physical comfort challenges on this Race. I might have a whole month with only a squatty potty to use. And it will be okay. God has shown me that I can do things I thought I would never be able to do. But more than that now, I see a chance for me to start being okay with emotional discomfort. And I think that will be a more powerful transformation. So I’m praying for God to bring it on.
