It has been very HARD being back home. I had no idea what I was in store for. I thought I would be excited to return home and Not miss training camp…no, no, no. The opposite happened. I struggled with returning and finding a balance with being in this reality and the one I finally found wholeness in.
When I came home I had no job, no money, needed So much fundraising money, money to pay off debt, money for expenses, money for gas…and it goes on.
I was overwhelmed with figuring out how to solve all these problems…And the thing in common with all my stress was financial. In our world today money controls our minds. I lost focus of what my purpose is and who I am living for and instead got caught up in the world of money. How am I going to put gas in my car in order to find a job and a job that will hire me until I leave? How will I raise enough money for my mission and pay expenses and pay off debt? It is too much money and not Possible. This just isn’t Possible. Wow, right then and there. I was doubting my own God. I was telling him that he was not enough for me. He died on the cross to save me and that wasn’t enough. I had doubted what Was possible with HIM. I always say that Everything is Possible with God and in that moment of time I was doubting who he is and what he has done. I doubted all that He is capable of doing…I doubted His LOVE for me. Then it hit me!!!
So many Lies the enemy was using in my areas of weakness to keep me doubting. I MUST turn to the Truth!
Wait, I don’t have to find answers! I am not the one in control to make things happen. The biggest lesson of all has been Trusting in my Faith. Fully Trusting! After learning to loose control of one thing, I realized I was still trying to control another.
No more seeds of doubt, but seeds of FAITH!
As I watched a true story tonight on TV, a particular scene stood out. A husband and wife had been through a hard time and the husband doubted his faith. They were going through a drought and his wife wanted to buy seeds. He thought she was crazy. But she prayed and she had much faith God would provide. Sure enough it rained and the crops grew back. It all made sense. Everything I’ve been learning, tests I’ve been put through, and faith that will waiver have shown me that I must turn to HIM, ALWAYS! Even when there is a drought and there is no hope for rain, even when things seem like there’s no possible way out of an impossible situation, or even if things happen to us and we question why now, why me, we must plant seeds of faith. If we keep planting seeds of doubt then our crops Will die…along with our hope, faith, and eventually love.
I made a promise to my Lord, my Savior, my God, that I will turn to the Light in my Darkness. I will no longer let Darkness win…and I plan on keeping my promise. Even though the enemy has planted seeds of doubt, unworthiness, and impossibilities the past few weeks, the Light will shine greater. HIS LIGHT will always shine greater because HIS LOVE for us is the Greatest of All!
I believed one lie as I returned to my old reality and another lie was planted, then another one. I started to let the Darkness take hold of me and that’s when my faith was tested again. I forgot I was still learning. Then I got down on my knees and surrendered again asking God to take all the lies, anxiety, stress, and doubt away. No longer where these burdens mine and I could not do this alone. I had to TRUST in HIS Plan to get me where he has called me.
WE sometimes get wrapped up in this earthly world that we forget we must offer up our control. We must ask him to forgive us. But most of all, we must THANK HIM for all that he has done for us and will continue to do for us. He died so that we can live this life we live. If you don’t know what to be thankful for, there you go. Thank Him for dying for our sins and coming back and sending his Holy Spirit so that He may still live with us.
I remembered this verse that changed my life at camp and will stay with me always…”For God alone my soul waits in SILENCE, for my HOPE is in Him.” Psalm 62:5
My Hope was still in him but I needed to find Silence and pray to him in submission. Without silencing my mind and learning to be obedient, I was listening to the enemy.
This is just another step in my journey and I haven’t even left the country yet. I have been So Blessed to continue to learn, grow, and walk with my Father. It has been so amazingly humbling. I am So Thankful every day for the life he gave me and continues to show me how He will use it.
Thank You to all who have supported me and continue to walk through this with me. My heart is warm with love from what this is teaching me and showing me for the future. I hope you continue to follow my travels as I leave in 4 weeks to embark on my Kingdom Journey. To follow you must click “Subscribe for Updates” and you will receive email notifications.
I would love to hear any feedback, words of encouragement, or stories of your own journey.
“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.” Lamentations 3:22
