The middle of a beautiful meadow she goes to Him. Clothed in white. Wearing the crown that He placed upon her head. She kneels before His feet. She looks only at His feet. He extends His hand out to her. She takes it and stands before Him. He spins her once and then draws her near. They begin to sway back and forth slowly. He caresses her face tenderly as she lays her head upon His heartbeat. His adoration for her enveloping her heart. They sway back and forth. He holds her so close and secure in His arms. There she is protected. Fear cannot touch her because His arms are her home. She longs to always run into the arms that will always hold and protect her. Where they sway back and forth for all eternity.
I am a hopeless romantic. I love a good corny sappy love story. I’m the girl whose guilty pleasure is watching Hallmark movies. And I ain’t got no shame in that. I have longed for a love that only God can give but thought it would come from a man here on earth. I’m thankful that God showed me otherwise.
I have lived in fear my whole life. Since I was a child I have always been afraid of so many things. I operated out of fear in every decision that was made. I didn’t know what living free felt like. Until now.
This month has been a hard month. Squatty potties, mosquitoes, living with a mouse, teammates being sick for most of the month, and one teammate getting injured and having to go to the hospital (no worries she is back with us and determined to continue her journey with God). I couldn’t have asked for a better team to walk through this part of my journey with.
A couple of days into our time here in Cambodia we found out we would be sharing space with a mouse. Of course I was scared to death. “I’m out, I’m going to my hammock outside. I don’t do mice,” I said. The Lord spoke to me about running away from my fear instead of facing it. He said that is exactly what the enemy wants you to do, he wants you to be separated from community. The enemy doesn’t want you to be in your safe place, which is the presence of God. It says in the Word “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”” Matthew? ?18:19-20? ?The enemy wanted to use fear to separate me from my safe place. Sadly I let that take place for about a week.
A few nights ago I was preparing to go to sleep in my hammock. I started to hear noises, the dogs (who became my nightly companions) began to bark, I kept hearing footsteps even though they were the pastor’s, and my heart began to race with fear. I considered going upstairs to the room where my team still slept but then remembered I was afraid of the mouse. So I began to pray and ask the Lord what to do. I heard His voice instruct me to go upstairs. I obeyed immediately and headed up stairs. Even though I was still afraid of the mouse I reentered the safety of my community.
The next day I shared my fearful experience with my team. They began to speak truth over me and they came around me and began to pray over me. We all prayed aloud and told fear to take a hike because it didn’t have a place in my life anymore. It was then I decided I wanted to fight. I wanted freedom.
I started reading a book at the beginning of the month called Freedom From Fear. It instructs on how to take steps out of fear and into freedom. So I sat down and ask the Lord to speak to me on what has caused fear in my life. After writing a few things down. I went to one of the girls on my team and asked if she would be willing to go into prayer with me over the fear. She agreed and we stepped onto the battlefield. We began to ask God to speak truth into the lies I had believed from the enemy, and we proclaimed His freedom over the things that needed renouncing from my life. God’s truth conquered every fear that I had written down.
His perfect love came, and He wrapped His loving arms around me. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” 1 John? ?4:18? He came and showed me that I had been wrapped in His arms the whole time. That I belong to Him. Fear might have tempted me, might have had my attention for a minute, but it could never harm me. I am God’s treasure, I am His precious daughter, nothing or anyone can ever touch me or harm me.
He lifted me up off the ground with His righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) He wrapped me in His protective arms, and as He caressed my face, wiped away every tear that fear had caused, He began to sway us back and forth. In that moment…I fell in love. He is the lover of my soul, He is my protector, He is my refuge, He is my Father, He is my everything. Our love story is timeless. It will never end.
“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”
?Psalms? ?30:11-12? ?
