Most of you know the joyful, fun and energetic Michaela. That is genuinely who I am, but a few years ago it was all a mask to cover up the darkness inside of me.
I’ve realized how amazing and infinite God’s grace is. He is furiously chasing after us no matter what, and our story has the power to change other people’s lives.
During middle school, I was searching to fill a void. I thought alcohol would do the trick. I would drink to forget the mess of a life I was living. I would drink to be the brave Michaela people thought I was. I would drink to wash away all of my cares and worries. While I was drunk those things were partially true. I had liquid courage to make me brave and when you’re drunk you don’t remember things right so I didn’t care about what was going on. I believed the lies that alcohol makes your life better. I believed it made me invincible and with every sip I drank, that one worry was gone forever. I would drink with the intentions to get drunk and to be this other Michaela.
I lived this life for a while. I lived a double life. I was getting good grades and going to church, but then with another crowd I’d get drunk and partake in whatever I wanted to. I told myself I could do this until my mess of a life was figured out. But the thing I didn’t realize, was that the alcohol was making my life a mess. It sugar coated the problems I had in life. When I was sober my problems were all still there. Alcohol was a temporary mask to things that were still going to be there until I dealt with them. But at the time, I believed alcohol was doing the trick. I thought that it would still fill the void I was searching to fill.
One night drastically changed my life. The cops showed up, and I got charged with drinking underage. I was only 13 years old and I didn’t know how my life had gotten to where it was. I didnt know what I was doing. I had no where to run. I cried out to Abba.
This month we did door to door evangelism and we met a guy named JB. We started telling him how much Jesus loves him. He refused it. He couldn’t understand how our God could love him despite all the things he’s done. We reassured him that we know God loves us because we’ve experienced it ourselves. I shared with him some of my testimony and he replied, “so you are a drunkard, too?”
That’s when it hit me like a brick wall. I was a drunkard. I used my story time after time and I never had a problem sharing about how I used to get drunk. But when JB called me a drunkard I couldn’t deny it, I used to be a drunkard.
Getting a minor was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me at the time. After I got caught I walked a lonely path for a while, but it made me realize alcohol will never fill any void. No earthly thing will ever completely fill our voids. This disaster showed me the concept of grace and how much our Father loves us. There’s nothing we can do to make God love us any more or any less. He died for ours sins, knowing every single one before he was even on the cross. He is the one that fills our voids. He is the one extending his hand to help us up. He is the hero of every story.
JB taught me a lot about myself and God. I got to watch the Holy Spirit completely transform JB’s life right before my eyes, and God also showed me, through JB, how much work he’s done in my life. Trust me, he’s doing work in your life too. He is right next to you and will never leave your side.
