Feedback is challenging. Sometimes it sucks, but it is so incredibly beautiful. Last night our team was going through these questions our leadership team sent us and after about three hours we were still on the first question. The question was about your false self. What parts of your false self are you clingy to and what are those traits. Some people took the “Hot Seat” and allowed the Holy Spirit to speak through others about their false self. It was just a really good thing.
I, for one, needed it. It was tough, but it was also what I was praying for. I wanted the root of who I am to be founded in Christ and not in earthly things. There are some aspects of myself that I had just grown used to and until my team brought them up, I was oblivious to them. It was definitely challenging and honestly I felt a little defeated, but I was so happy to know what to work on. I have been longing of the moment where what and who I am matches what God calls me to be, and hanging onto my false qualities was holding me back. It was eye opening, and it was just a really good thing.
Today I wrestled with God. Believe me, we had quite a bit of talking to do. I was frustrated with Him and angry that he hadn’t really been talking to me until last night. I know I needed to work though a lot of things, but I didn’t know which way to go about them. I longed for that clear voice that just tells me what to do and how to do it so that all of my problems are solved. I dedicated time to be with God and guess what, He spoke. First of all, I listened to worship music. I took in the words and prayed them. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would be with me in this time and that it would do what needs to be done for me to completely release myself from the things I was holding onto. I also prayed for boldness and obedience. I also wept. I cried out for an answer and completely surrendered. I embraced the tears, frustration, hopes, and flaws that I had. I worshiped some more. I praised and danced, raised my arms and cried some more. I sat on my knees and prayed. I prayed for answers and for God to take away all of the things I was holding onto. I pictured Him taking the rocks and boulders that have been weighing me down and throwing them so far that I couldn’t see them. So far that even if I would never be able to find them again or even catch a glimpse of them. Every single rock that was thrown, took a weight off of me and let me see more freedom. I continued sitting on my knees crying out and completely surrendering. I also wrote down the things I was holding onto. I prayed over that piece of paper and burned it. They’re gone. They no longer define who I am or where I’m going. They no longer have power over me. They’re thrown so far away that I will never be able to go back to them. They’re gone, forever. Sitting with God and surrendering was beautifully freeing. Our God is a good good father and it was just a really, really good thing.
It was just a really good thing is a phrase I once said at a Core Team meeting and I’ve grown to realize how much I say it in real life now. Today it was said a lot more than usual, but I can’t think of another phrase that beats it. This one is for you Bingham Core team. Love y’all and praying for you!
