a glimpse into the reality of the war within, in the struggle to follow Christ relentlessly…
one perspective (everything I feel, what my circumstances tell me)
Today I'm so tired. Today I don't feel like I'm going to make it. I am tired of not being able to pay bills. I am tired of not being able to buy food. I am tired of being in need all the time. I am tired of having to ask others to help. It's hard to move forward and take care of the things I need to for this mission, when I can't even take care of the basics (food/making payments). I am tired of being faced with impossible situations. I am tired of 'hoping against hope'. It's hard to find joy in the midst of suffering.
another perspective (everything I believe, what God tells me)
God will give me strength and energy. Jesus will see me through to the end. God will provide. God WILL provide. God is stripping me of everything and teaching me to depend on Him alone. I am in God's will, and that's the safest place to be. I am blessed to be sent. I need to be faithful. Faith is moving forward and doing the things God is calling you to do even when everything seems impossible, even when you can't see your way through to the end. Faith is hoping against hope. It's not about me. Think about the people of Kenya. Think about your team. Consider Him who endured so much. Look to Jesus, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross.
I've been thinking a lot about leading this trip, and how I want to be a strong leader for my team. I've been thinking about how I will be perceived by my team. Instead of trying to boast in strength, I will boast in my weaknesses. I am only strong when Christ is strong in me, and in my weakness HE is stronger.
So God, I thank you for my weaknesses and ask You to be strong in me now. If my team see's anything in me, let them see You. Thank You for showing me what it's like to be in need, and that it will help me to have compassion on people in need here at home and in the mission field. I love you and trust You Jesus. Thank You for all You have done for me, and all You will do. You have never let me down and You never will, thank You.
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed… Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good." (1 Peter 4:12-13,19)
