trials in transition

Howdy from Nicaragua!  I apologize for not blogging sooner, there
has been a lot going on.  The first part
of the month was very challenging for me; I was in a pretty weak state.  I was physically, emotionally, mentally and
spiritually drained.

Our last days in Antigua,
Guatemala were
blessed.  We made breakfast for our
contacts, and enjoyed spending one last day with them.  We had safe travels to Guatemala City, where we met up with the
entire squad.  (For those of you who don’t
know, I am part of a squad of 46, and a team of 6.  So far, each month we have been paired up
with another team for ministry.  So right
now, my team and another are in Jinotepe,
Nicaragua.)  So all the teams met up in Guatemala
City, and were to travel the next morning through El Salvador, and travel the following day
through Honduras to get to Nicaragua.  That was Friday November 6^th.  That night, I talked with my team leader
about my financial situation back home. 
I told him that it was challenging at times, to be fully present in the
ministry, when my debts back home made me feel like I should be home
working.  I asked if I should share that
with the entire team, and he thought that would be a good idea. 

After our conversation, I started to feel very ill.  I fell asleep very quickly.  The next thing I knew, I woke up to find
myself throwing up in my bed.  I think I
might have experienced some shock, because I couldn’t move at first, and then
my body just started shivering.  My bunk
mates helped me out, got me like 8 layers of clothes, and set up another bed
for me.  I lied down, but only for a
couple minutes.  I ended up throwing up
all night.  We were hesitant to go to the
hospital, because we were traveling the next morning, and because I didn’t have
a fever.  So I endured it all night, and
it was pretty awful.  I couldn’t hold any
water, and was having trouble breathing the whole night; my body became
extremely weak.  Finally early morning
came, and it was still going on so we decided to go to the hospital.

I was told the taxi ride was about 15 minutes, to me I only
remember it being like two.  I was pretty
out of it.  We got to the hospital and
they got me on an IV.  I was extremely
dehydrated, and my white blood count was at 21,000.  It shouldn’t be higher than 10,000.  I continued to throw up in the hospital.  They brought me to a room, and pumped some
antibiotics through my IV.  I think they
also gave me some anti-anxiety meds to help with my breathing.  I slept a lot.  That afternoon I ended up getting a high
fever, and a throat infection.  They got
me some more antibiotics, and I continued on the IV for two days.  They tested my blood to make sure I didn’t
have malaria or Dengue fever or salmonella, thank God I tested negative for all
that stuff!  I was blessed to have a
great doctor, and awesome nurses, and they got me back to health.

My teammates Josh and Melina stayed with me at the hospital,
while the rest of the squad traveled.  We
were a couple days behind, and so we left right from the hospital… like I got
released and then was on a bus for El Salvador.  We traveled two days and through three
countries.  It was challenging to travel,
as my body was still pretty weak.  Thank
God I was able to get my prescriptions filled in El Salvador, otherwise the trip
would have been miserable.  When we
arrived to Nicaragua
the second day, I was pretty wiped.  We
got out of the car, and I realized that only one of my bags made it to our new
hotel.  When we got to Nicaragua, we
switched vans halfway through our journey, and some random guys moved our bags.  I was not happy.  I went to my room and just wanted to be by
myself.

Later that night, we had ‘family time’ – we get together
almost every night with our team to talk about the day, offer any constructive
criticism or encouragements to each other. 
I was so spent at this point.  My
financial situation was on my mind again, and I allowed it to become a
burden.  As we were talking, the other
team came in all excited, and they told my that they found my bag.  None of us know how it came back, but it
did.  It is simply a miracle, cause that
bag was lost.  I was relieved that my bag
was found, but at this point it didn’t do much to lift my spirits.  I told my team about my financial situation,
and how it was weighing on me.  I told
them that I felt like I needed to be home working.  I asked them not to offer any feedback, until
I spent time seeking God out on what I should do.

The days that followed were a battle.  I was going through spiritual warfare, I just
didn’t realize it.  In my weak state, I
allowed faith to go on the wayside and started to view things strictly from a
place of logic.  Nevertheless, I was
still seeking God, and despite everything I was feeling, I wanted to be sure to
follow His will and not mine.  I read
proverbs, and it talks a lot about how the wise person seeks counsel, so I
decided to do that.  I stayed back the
next day to rest, and talk with some people about my situation.  I talked with my parents, and wrote a few
close friends.

I continued to think out my standpoint in a logical way, and
started to reason out the situation in my mind. 
Honestly, when I looked at it that way the whole situation seemed upside
down and backwards.  I was baffled at how
I could allow myself to pursue the race, while having so many outstanding
debts.  The truth is, God’s ways are not
our ways.  His ways often seem upside
down and backwards, and God’s ways baffle people.  The Kingdom of God
doesn’t operate the way this world operates; in fact they are in opposition to
one another.  The world would say, take
care of your debts and then think about pursuing the World Race.  Realistically, that makes sense.  BUT, God had other plans.  All the while God was saying, I have called
you to such a time as this, just be faithful regardless of your circumstances.

Everyone I spoke with encouraged me to press on, and be
faithful that God will take care of my financial situation.  I also listened to a sermon by Graham Cooke
about spiritual warriors, and it really spoke to me.  Here are some of my notes from the sermon
that impacted me:

Despite external
realities that are adverse and chaotic, and often troublesome and annoying,
spiritual warriors live in a state of untroubled calm.  They live in rest…

Spiritual warriors joyfully and humbly count on God to come
through, no matter what the situation is that they find themselves in.  They have an assurance of God’s heart towards
them.  They are absolutely positive that
the Lord is willing to help them. They are utterly convinced that He is
incapable of letting them down. 
Therefore in times of warfare and adversity, they have a boldness and
the courage to stand firm in God.  This
confidence enables a spiritual warrior to hold their nerve and be fearless in
the face of enemy attack

Not every fight is going to be over quickly, some fights are
about learning patience.  We can beat the
enemy by being patient.  The enemy has no
patience, it belongs to God, it’s a fruit of the spirit.  So often all we want is a quick and easy
victory.  But God has things that He
needs to develop in each one of us.  At
some point your going to have to reconcile yourself to the fact that God will
have to teach you patience, He will have to teach you perseverance, He will
have to teach to you how to endure.  But
the wonderful thing is, you can do all of those things with a smile on your
face, because joy is always a part of the occasion.  Joy is a part of every circumstance for us,
since God is eternally joyful.

Often the battle itself is against our faith and our
confidence.  Most people just want to
survive the warfare, they do the minimun to get through.  There
are many Christians who just want rescue, and not breakthrough.  Spiritual warriors are different to that,
they want to thrive on the pressure, if their going to go through hell they
want to prosper in the process.  They
want to make the enemy pay for attacking them. 
That’s a great attitude.  And it’s
the attitude of the kingdom. 

God wanted to use the trials to give me breakthrough, and
take me to a higher level.  All I wanted
to do was escape the Sculptor’s hand.  I
wanted rescue, and God wanted breakthrough. 
Thankfully, God brought breakthrough. 
I have decided to remain faithful, regardless of my circumstances.  I have decided to listen to my dad, and ‘trust
and relax’.  I have decided to endure
through the trials, and instead of praying for rescue I will pray for
breakthrough.  I will recognize that the
trials that come are to break me down, so to build me up stronger than before.

I want to thank everyone who is praying for me and my
team.  Your prayers are what sustain me,
especially in times of trial.

These past few days have been great.  God has blessed me with joy, and shown me how
important it is to remain joyful.  We had
a day off Tuesday, and had an amazing time at the beach.  Some of us went surfing, and I actually got
up on the board and surfed a couple times. 
The entire time we were getting shocked by jellyfish tentacles, which
was painful, but makes for a good story. 
By the way, if you ever get shocked by jellyfish, rub wet sand over the
area!  It works!  We also were swimming and a stingray came
after us, so it was quite an adventure.

Thanks for taking the time to read this long-winded
blog.  Please continue to lift me up in
prayer.  I have a few specific requests:

-That I am able to find a copier to copy and email my
hospital bill to my insurance company, and all that gets worked out

-that I remain faithful about my financial situation, and
that God shows me the steps to take

-that I recognize when I am coming under spiritual attack,
and that I remain confident in God at all times

-that I stay healthy and strong

-that God continues to bless our ministry, and our ministry
contacts