After a long ride back to the house from my stage debut, my demeanor began to change. My attitude switched from an optimistic state to utter dismay. I went to sleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night, overcome with pain that pulsated through my body. I remember choking back the urge to vomit. As laid there, tiptoeing on the edge of misery, I thought about how earlier that day I had sang in front of thousands of people and now my body hurt so bad I could barley move. I was almost in complete disbelief that I could be going from such good place to such a bad one.
Once that terrible night was over, the morning creeped in and I had gotten little to no sleep. Pastor Ben came into my room and asked me how I was doing, and simply put, I was feeling horrible. I described my symptoms and his only response was “you need to go get tested for malaria”. It was my second day in Kitale, Kenya and I was already sick. After a quick prick of a needle and about 30 minutes It was confirmed. Not only did I have malaria coursing through my veins, I was told I had the most stubborn type. How in the world did malaria take this tole on me when I had only been in Africa for a week? The doctor prescribed me some medicine and I headed home. I couldn’t believe this situation.
To make matters worse, my progress seemed slim to none by the time week 2 rolled around. I never left the house for anything other than visits to the doctor, let alone leaving my room for visits to the toilet. I was one week deep in the belly of sickness and I had a seriously bad case of cabin fever. My spirits were low and my glimmer of hope was seeing my pill count diminish. I finished my medicine, went back to the doctor and found out that not only did I still have malaria, but I had typhoid as well. So, I opened my wallet once again, and looked in, I realized it was almost empty. As I handed the doctor what little money I had, I thought “Ahh, Come On!”
I spent the majority of my month in Kenya laying in a bed, my body writhing with pain. I wanted so badly for the sickness to leave me but every time I went to the doctor not only was I not better, but I would find out that something else would be wrong with me. My face had a staph infection and my stomach decided to get a bacterial infection. I was struggling. I spent so much of my time trying to find an escape, an escape from the pain that I felt. I tried to escape through movies, through doing logistical work, frequently calling my family on Skype, anything that would get my mind off the pain I felt. My heart turned towards relief that the world provided instead of turning to the LORD where true release comes from.
Looking back now, I realize how big of a mistake I made that month. My heart was in such desperate need for the faithful promise of unchanging love and strength in His comfort, but I looked away. All of the strength I could summon was spent trying to find happiness in the things of this world. The recovery from my illness was so slow because I chose to rely on what was tangible rather than what was faithful. I allowed the allure of entertainment, the simplicity of busy work and the comfort of my loved ones to defer me from the relationship I needed to be invested in. My emotions were not looking towards any shade of His light until the month almost ended and He absolutely baffled me with a blessing I was not expecting.
The final Sunday of our month, I was miraculously feeling better. I headed with my team to a Kenyan church service with my heart still tied to the misery of sickness. The service began with my spirits low, but the LORD filled me with words to speak to the congregation. Not only was I speaking to them, but Jesus was speaking directly to me. After a month mirroring nothing short of a missionary nightmare, my forever faithful and loving God was speaking in and through me!
The service drew to a close and I was sailing on a cloud. I got to drive myself and teammates to the hospital for my final inoculation and my treatment was complete. Even when I was at my lowest, my God delivered me from illness and once again proving His unfailing love and commission of trust to an undeserving me. My faith may have been slacking for my first month in Africa but my heart grabbed victory with my Savior. I may have made a mistake in turning my eyes towards the world but Jesus had already forgiven me before I turned the wrong direction.
