"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return,"
so claimed the signature line from the movie Moulin Rouge as I watched it a couple nights ago.
I wondered why the movie claimed that this was the greatest thing I'd ever learn, and I even thought it was a little simplistic. "Everyone knows how to love and be loved to some extent," I thought to myself. I let it be for the night.
Then I started thinking about fear because of the Colorado theatre shooting, seeing The Dark Knight Rises, accidentally watching Silence of the Lambs, being pooped on by a bird at a bus stop, and reading the story of Jesus in Gethsemane.
Fear is interesting. Everyone understands it; no one stops it. Everyone knows what it is; no one is free from it.
Everyone is afraid of something.
Everyone is afraid of trivial things. Me? I am afraid of food that you could mash between gums if you had no teeth. (Seeing people eat bananas actually triggers my gag reflex.)
Then, the less-trivial. I have a healthy fear of spiders, I don't like the dark, and I HATE heights.
Then, the serious. I am afraid of rejection, and I hate not feeling in control.
How curious.
I went from fearing to hating. Colloquially, without even intending to, because that's what we say. That's how we address fear.
We hate what we fear.
We hate whatever we fear because that something is our weak spot. For some reason, admitting we're weak is an apocalyptic maneuver, the end-all-be-all of one's worthwhile existence, as though admitting a weakness would render us absolutely incapable of valuable contribution to any part of civilized humanity, so we all run around pretending like we don't fear anything.
We're all living under a pretense. We're all lying to ourselves, quite ironically scared pants-less that someone else will know we're scared pants-less.
You know what I think?
I think everyone has the same proverbial "deepest, darkest fear."
We're afraid we're not going to be loved in return.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
We're afraid we're not going to be loved because we have a weak spot, because we're imperfect.
We're afraid that imperfection will make us unlovable because we see everyone running around pretending to be perfect.
Our attempts at putting on the armor of seeming invincibility and perfection are doing a great job protecting our exterior while we willingly shrivel up on the inside, trapped by our own defense mechanisms, all the while crying out for someone to come along and tell us we're alright as we are and that we can hang up the costume.
What's even sadder is that everyone does this to everyone else. We are the reason that this is happening to us.
We are all afraid of each other because we do not extend the grace to other people that we are inwardly dying for.
One of my favorite quotes is from 1 John.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love."
There it is, as if God knows what He's talking about.
We're afraid we're not going to be loved in return because we know that we don't know how to love.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
Bullies are often bullies because being in control ensures they can't be hurt.
Insecure people are often mean by pointing out flaws in other people because they fear that people will point out the same in them.
Quiet people are often quiet because they're afraid no one will respect their voice.
Loud people are often loud because they so desperately fear that their voice won't be respected that it's best to get as many words out as possible so that maybe someone will like something they say.
Fat people are often fat to ensure that no one loves them because they fear that they still wouldn't be loved even if they were skinny.
What if we fixed this?
What if we all admitted what we were afraid of and agreed to love each other anyway?
What if we weren't afraid of vulnerability because everyone was willing to be vulnerable?
And what if, when we all were vulnerable, we received everyone with the same grace we hoped to get?
What if we really loved people the way we all want to be loved?
What if we went from being on the defense all the time, if we took off the armor that we use to protect ourselves, if we stepped out on the offensive and began to love one another rather than continuing to fear each other?
No one would need the armor anymore. No one would need to pretend. No one would be afraid.
I'll put down my sword if you lower your shield.
You'll unclench your fists if I open up my arms.
I pray that one day we'll all learn the greatest thing.
It's just going to take a few people who aren't afraid to love and be loved in return.
m
