C.A.T.S.
So y’all are probably thinking, “Why in the heck is this chick’s blog an acronym that spells cats? Is she a cat lover or what?”
No…I’m not a huge cat lover. I think they are cute, but I prefer dogs. I honestly was thinking about a few core themes to talk about that the Lord has bringing up to me while at Project Searchlight. So somehow, I got a few words that when put in an acronym, spells out the word cats.
Man, I needed this week so much. My soul was dry, I was battling with not wanting to deal with my emotions, I felt disconnected from God and people…the whole nine. (Which is my fault. No one else’s.)
The re-occurring themes that have popped up this week are the following:
C-Closure/community
A-Ambition
T-Truth
S-Stewardship
Closure/Community
If you have kept up with my Race, or you know me personally, you know that my Race ended early. I got sick in Haiti and the doctors told me that I had to go home immediately, so I honestly had no chance to have any time of closure with my squad as a whole. And quite honestly, the short time I had with my team that night was rushed so I truly feel I did not have closure with them as well. I had to fly home the next day.
The good news is, I was healed when I got home. My blood work was back to normal, and almost all of my wacky symptoms subsided. But I was so frustrated because I was home and healed when I could’ve been on the field still. I had bitterness in my heart because I couldn’t finish with my squad or be there during final debrief. I would have dreams, even after my squad returning, of going to see them in Jamaica.
This week, the Lord has allowed me to feel some sort of closure by seeing some of my squad again. There have been moments I felt awkward, but it’s been really good and has brought a lot of healing.
To tie along with seeing my squad, I realized how much I missed real community. Not the shallow Westernized community that we’ve settled for where there’s 1,000,000 types of false forms of connection-but real, doing life together community where there is healthy vulnerability and spurring on each other to be more like Christ. It is very difficult cultivating it with people that don’t understand you and you don’t understand them.
However, I have been convicted to try and form it with the people that God has placed me with. To get involved with a community group in my church and to just try and put forth the effort and work to build friendships. Community is biblical and needed! It was a great reminder this week.
Ambition
When I say ambition, I’m not talking about chasing after the American Dream and making all the money. No. I am talking about Godly ambition and passion.
I lost ambition when I came back due to a cocktail of things. I was tired, struggling with re-entry and a lot of confusing feelings. The Lord, this past week, has reminded me of the call He placed within me and the passion that He wants me to carry. It is something that needs to be protected!
I don’t want to lose the God-given desire to go out and share the gospel with others. He saved all of us for a reason and it’s to be a story of hope to a hopeless world and to be a part of His plan bringing Heaven to earth.
Truth
Truth….something we always need to be reminded of in a world of satan’s lies being spoken every where.
The truth that God has a plan, He has shown me these things for a reason, that I have a responsibility to carry what He has placed in my hands and that there is a reason why I’m living and breathing and not miss that reason. God has spoken truth over my brokenness, over my lack of seeking Him, over my identity as a daughter and truth that breathes life, hope and purpose for the future. Truth that He is alive and moving everywhere even in the dark places in the earth and my heart. He has reminded me of the truths He has spoken to me in years past.
Truth when spoken from the Father brings forth SO MUCH freedom, conviction and life. It is something I needed this week, desperately.
Stewardship
Being a good steward over all of these topics is essential for moving forward in my walk with the Lord. That is something God has been keep replaying in my mind this past week at PSL. There was a lady that spoke about it, and the Holy Spirit truly convicted my heart.
If I want people to know about what the Lord is doing around the world, I have to be a good steward and share what the Lord has allowed me to see and experience.
If I want to have a good community, I have to be a good steward and use the tools I learned from living in intense community this past year.
If I want to have a passionate walk with the Lord, I must steward spiritual disciplines I have learned in my every day life.
I have to walk the walk of faith and fight the fight of faith. I have to protect and grow what the Lord has given me, I can’t just sit there and do nothing.
So, this is what the Lord has been teaching me through out Project Searchlight. I am truly thankful that I came because my heart was in need of it. I am being rejuvenated and filled with hope for my today and my future, and compelled to continue bringing the Kingdom of God where ever He has me.
I love y’all. Thanks for everything!
Sincerely,
Meraia
