For almost a week, my body has felt like it’s been vibrating. My muscles in my legs, my stomach and arms have been spazzing out for what ever reason, and my stomach has not been the happiest of campers. 

For almost a week, I’ve felt useless while my team does ministry and I lie here in bed, waiting for the tremors in my body to cease. 

I don’t know why my body is behaving this way. Is it because it’s Month 10? My malaria medicine? Dehydration? I’m not sure. Maybe a mixture of all of those things. 

Just as shaky as my literal insides are, is how I’m feeling emotionally right now. I’m so nervous about going home. I’m nervous about people’s perceptions of me, I’m nervous of what has changed, and nervous about leaving the people that I’ve done life with this past year. And at the same time, I’m longing to be home. I’m longing for my family and friends. I feel like I’m experiencing so many emotions and feelings about returning home, sometimes I just want to ignore them.

I am struggle bussing it right now. I’m praying for motivation and strength for next month, the last month of the Race. I don’t want to end my Race weak, I want to end it with endurance. I literally cannot do that with out Jesus. 

The Race isn’t adventure all the time, it isn’t fun all of the time, and it sure as heck is not a vacation. If you come on the Race thinking this, check your motivation. Get ready for a reality check. The only way you can thrive through out this year is with Jesus-the one who called you. 

You either tap out, or you’re pouring out all your energy spiritually, emotionally and physically. You are in community 24/7. You are in different living conditions every month. Different ministry. Different people. Different everything. You say many “hello’s” and many “goodbye’s” every month. The only thing that is constant is change. You are away for important events that occur in your family’s and friend’s lives.

The ONLY person that makes this journey worth while and absolutely beautiful is Jesus. I would not still be here, writing this blog, with out Him. 

And, in all honesty, all of the struggles have made this Race beautiful, raw and real. Struggling produces perseverance if you trust in Jesus. In every bleak situation, in every moment I wanted to go home, the Lord always gave me a reason to endure. I truly know, I have no strength of my own to boast in…I’m weak…but in weakness, Jesus is shown strong. Thank-you Jesus for allowing me to struggle and for providing a way out of the struggle…and thank you for in the moments of darkness that surrounded me, your hope shined brighter. 

Please pray for the people on my squad and I, as we end Month 10, and begin our journey into our final month. We truly need prayer. We’re coming home, soon, guys. That’s so crazy. 

Love,
Meraia

Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.