“Genuine-Truly what is something is said to be authentic.
Authenticity is magnetic.”
Those are words my dear team mate, Sara, gave me when she felt led by the Holy Spirit to give each person on our team a literal word from the Lord. These words sparked a huge revelation in my heart that I only knew on the surface.
When I was a child, the first thing the devil aimed to steal from me was my authenticity. My first day of kindergarten, the bullying began. It made me anxious and made me feel like there was something very wrong with being just me. At that time in my life, my home was also rocky because my parents didn’t know Jesus then. Therefore, I had no real clue who Jesus was.
In order to remedy the bullying situation, I decided that I would try and become whatever and whoever I could be to make people like me. I totally lost sight of who the real Meraia was. I lied about so many different things about myself, I copied traits of people who I deemed that were more popular than me and I strived to be loved. I would be any thing anyone wanted me to be just so I wouldn’t be bullied and that I would have friends.
My parents got radically saved when I was nine years old. I had the realization that there had to be a real God, and that brought some comfort. But I still was striving to get people to like me. From kindergarten to 7th grade, the bullying never ceased. It only got worse. My 7th grade year was the year I strived and I strived and I STRIVED to be looked at and noticed.
I got to the county level of the Spelling Bee competition, I was in band, I played soccer, I tried to be in theater, I was a part of the newspaper, I tried to win a story competition….I tried, and I tried, and I TRIED.
Doing all of those things was not enough.
The bullying was the worst it had ever been that year.
I developed an ugly gossiping habit in all those years of being afraid of people.
I developed an ugly lying habit to try and cover up who I was and make up a Meraia that was more interesting.
I didn’t even like myself.
I was homeschooled the following year because I honestly just didn’t want to put up with people at school anymore. It was a really great year off because that’s when my family and I moved to Parkersburg. I had amazing encounters with Jesus. I fell so in love with Him and I began to see who He created me to be.
My life started to get better. People didn’t bully me in Parkersburg. I was starting to learn how to be authentic with out fear of being put down for who I was. It was great.
Then my best friend moved away after my 10th grade year.
Something shut down in me again.
I started losing my authenticity again. I felt like all my friends would end up leaving me. I acted like I was the “perfect Christian” all the while with struggling with darkness in my own soul. I didn’t realize it, but I was living a double life.
I numbed myself with TV shows and food.. and by doing that, I stripped myself from the ability to TRULY FEEL REAL emotions.
I didn’t even realize it.
However, God revealed that to me and He began healing my heart. He restored my character and is still restoring my character to be more like His. He helped me feel again. He helped me feel true joy and real pain, and it is a glorious feeling. He started showing me who I am and gave birth to real, genuine passions He placed in my life.
The battle for being authentic has been REAL. Don’t allow the devil to steal your authenticity, and if you have, get right with Jesus and march into the devil’s camp and take it back.
IT’S NOT HIS TO HAVE!
The price for your authenticity is PRICELESS. You are designed to be a CHILD OF GOD with a UNIQUE PURPOSE. Don’t be a cheap imitation of someone else, because trust me, I know….it will leave you empty and feeling icky on the inside.
God has been revealing so much to me on this past year and because of Him, I feel like I’ve grown SO much. This past year has been a year of total transformation and it started with A LOT of pain….but the joy from that season is still blossoming.
Thanks for reading this!!!!
On the 21st, my team and I will be on our way to Malaysia for debrief already…crazy!! I will be writing a recap blog here in the next couple days of my month in Thailand. It has been nothing short of amazing and I’m sad to be leaving this beautiful country so soon! Please continue to keep my squad and me in your prayers!
With much love,
Meraia
