Last week I had lunch with a sweet lady from church who wanted to hear more about my trip. I didn’t know her very well, but was happy to meet with her. We had a great conversation about missions as I described my trip and she shared her heart for missions and told me about all the missionaries in her family.
Toward the end of our conversation she said something that I needed to hear.
She opened up and shared her story of how she had wanted to be a missionary nurse, but then when she met her husband, she chose to marry him and stay in the US rather than pursue her calling to be a missionary. She told me she doesn’t regret her decision, because God has blessed her with a wonderful family and ministry with her husband here in the States, but she can’t help feeling like she missed out on part of her calling. She still has a heart for missions and is able to “see her promised land from a distance” by supporting other missionaries.
Then she thanked me.
She thanked me for doing what she didn’t do.
For going when God called me to go.
She didn’t know this, but in that conversation, she addressed my biggest difficulty with going on the World Race.
You see, I have wanted to be a missionary ever since I can remember. And about 5 years ago, I got a pretty clear word from God confirming my missionary calling and telling me not to be in a hurry to get married, because God had places to send me first. So I’ve known for quite a while that marriage would have to wait–but I didn’t know how difficult it would be.
When Tony and I started dating last December, everyone immediately asked, “So when’s the wedding?” It’s clear that God has brought us together and that marriage is our future, but for some reason, God has asked us to wait. I have wrestled with God in my heart over this many times, especially in the past year and four months that Tony and I have been dating. I’ve asked, “Why are you doing this, God?” “Why can’t we just fall in love and get married like everyone else?” “Why do we have to wait?”
In the midst of wrestling with God, I have realized that God has given me and Tony a great opportunity. He has given us the opportunity to obey Him, even when it mean sacrificing one of our greatest desires and submitting our will to His. He has also given us the opportunity to choose to put Him first. In our sacrificing our desire to get married sooner rather than later, we are demonstrating to God in a tangible way that He is our first love. He is our Highest Treasure and Greatest Delight, and nothing is too great a sacrifice for this Love. I believe it blesses God’s heart that we are putting our desires on hold, in order to pursue His desires.
And every time I loose sight of this truth and start grumbling to God again, He patiently reminds me of His good and perfect plan for me.
This is my greatest sacrifice. This is my greatest privilege.
God’s ways are higher than our ways and God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). And He has such good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). We are to trust in the Lord with all of our heart and not lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Living that out is comforting, encouraging, frustrating, and scary all at the same time.
Even though leaving Tony is such a difficult thing to do, I am grateful to be able to sacrifice something so precious to Jesus. He knows how much I love Tony and how great my desire to marry him is. And in my being willing to sacrifice that in exchange for a wild adventure with Him, He knows that my love for Him surpasses all other loves.
It’s so worth it. No price is too high to pay because there’s no greater Love. There’s no greater love than Love that willingly gives Himself up for His friends (John 15:13). Jesus is that sacrificial Love, demonstrated in all its fullness on the cross. God is Love and there is no love apart from Him.
But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (1 John 4:8-10 NLT)
Please pray for both me and Tony. Pray that we would keep on trusting God–in His plans and in His timing. Pray that God gives us grace to withstand being apart for 11 months, and grace to stay pure in our love for God and for each other.
And please hang out with and encourage Tony often while I’m away! 🙂
