I want to be real with you guys. Making the decision to join the World Race was hard, but the process leading up to the Race has been even harder. I still struggle with my “next step” in life not involving a marriage, family, or living close to my family and along with these struggles also comes fear.
It all hit me overnight. Literally. In the blink of an eye, I was terrified.
I’m not sure even where to start. The last few days have been filled with so many emotions I didn’t even know were possible! I was talking with a good friend yesterday about the many different feelings I was having and he reminded me what he had just told me a month ago. Which was, “remember those changes I said would happen and you’ll have no idea what was going on? Well here they are.”
No lie, I have no idea why all of these emotions hit me but they did and there was no stopping them. Up until this point, I hadn’t been too anxious about leaving for a year, being away from home, or missing family and friends. Oh but it came, and it came fast! The realization of these truths was anything but easy.
I began to literally feel fear through my entire body. As the tears began to roll down my face, I knew I had to let it happen. At some point I had to stop thinking I had things under control. I had to stop feeling like I was strong enough to leave home for 11 months. I had to stop thinking I could do this on my own.
Right then, God began working in my heart. He let me know that I wasn’t alone, I didn’t have to face this year on my own. In fact, there was no way I could face it on my own. He desires for me to let him have control. To let Him be my all. Though at times I doubt my abilities and fear the next year, I know he has equipped me for this specific calling. I know he is asking me to lay down my life, and pick up His cross. To Surrender my will and what I may want, for what he knows I need.
Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse I have always held on to and now more than ever this verse runs through my head. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
So Thank you Father. Thank you for pursuing me daily, thank you for reminding me I can trust you. Thank you for allowing me to spread your Word to the nations. Thank you for believing in me, for giving me strength when I am weak. I don’t deserve it, it may be scary, and at times hard (VERY HARD) but I know I can TRUST YOU above all else.
I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.
I am clinging to you Father.
