Sometimes I’m surprised my heart is still beating inside my chest because I can swear I see it walking around in the 20 little bodies in my classroom.
I walked into this month with a heart that was broken from team changes. Determined to keep myself a little more whole for the rest of the race.
And before I knew it I started to give my heart away again.
I don’t know if it’s God creating in me a bigger capacity to love or just a process of constant breaking.
Today I sat in the back of my classroom thinking on the future and having the quickness that happens when I think I may have stumbled upon what I should do with at least the next portion of it. And it’s because of these kids. 20 ish kids. varying shades of brown and black with twinkling mischievous eyes. every last one of them has the perfect eye roll when I do something ridiculous along with ‘Teaaacher Melooood”. The eye roll only makes me want to do whatever it was that much more. usually its a kiss on their hand.
I have this need to give these kids as much love as I am physically capable of while I am here.
With 6 days left with them I’m acutely aware of what little time I have left and soon I will be just another volunteer who has gone through their gates. But I want these kids to know they are loved and I feel like I have to be able to give them an overabundance of love to carry on once I leave. I’m sure thats just a romantic notion but I still persist.
I kiss as many cheeks as I can. Stumble over names that feel funny on my tongue. Wrap my arms around as many as I can hold at a time. Tell them over and over again how much God loves them. Pray every second I am with them. Hold little tiny hands that make my hands look so pale. Kiss boo boo’s. Tsk Tsk those that are bullying. Gentle nudge the bold leaders into ways they can be kind. Show the neglected that they are important. Give as much attention as I can spare. My eyes dart around the room attempting to not waste a moment that I could show one of the littles that someone is watching them.
Teachah Teachah Teachah Teachah Teachah Teachah Teachah…. turning my head every few moments to catch one jumping off the monkey bars, one sliding down the slide, one drawing a bus in the dirt, one standing on the chain they have for a swing.
“Teacher is coming, teacher is here” chanted over and over as our bus pulls up every.morning. Our students are clumped together at the gate opening waiting for us to get off the bus and come in. The second we cross the street they pour out wrapping Candace and I in so many hugs; our hands and elbows immediately grabbed as they guide us into our schoolyard. And they have added recently to our morning routine “Teacher you are beautiful” or when I remember to put on my perfume they grab my arm and have everyone smell it “ {deep breath} MMMM so pretty”, “I like you”.
Back to this morning when I was sitting in the back of the classroom I’m making eye contact and “talking” with several of the kids and I all of a sudden no longer was able to sit still I felt like I needed to go racing around the room kissing each on the forehead making them giggle. And not for the first time I realized that at some point in my life I will be adopting if I can and at the moment I wish I was bringing this girl with me. I want to make sure she grows up knowing the Lord, and is told how beautiful her eyes are, that she is kissed anytime she has a hurt. And I had the strongest longing to make the adopting happen now at this moment in time, as poor and single and without a job as I am.
It’s crazy to think we only have 6 more days of ministry left before the next country.
(Or we did when I wrote this. I’ll hopefully be able to pay some more this next month. We are in South Africa for Christmas!!!!!)
