Before I left for Africa I hadn’t quite comprehended what this adventure would entail. I was just plain excited. As soon as we hit the African soil the devil was on the prowl and I was his next target. I just felt this overwhelming anxiousness from the moment we stepped off the plane. The devil knew that this was the first time I had ever left the United States and he attacked with this engulfing unease. The moment we left the airport to the bus station without the rest of our squad I knew this was real life. I no longer was in the USA where I felt comfortable and safe.
We finally arrived in Bloemfontein around one in the morning on July 4th and man oh man did reality set in. The first night alone in my room I had a full blown panic attack. Sleep was not obviously going to happen easily. The next morning when we arose from our beds we found out we were staying in a center with a majority of residents who have severe mental illnesses. This was not going to be a comfortable start to this journey.
The rest of the week has been filled with many tears and overcoming anxiousness while trying to focus on the Lord. Each day gets a little bit better. The thing I realized though is that the days and anxiousness themselves are still the same, it is my relationship with God that is different. I am relying more on God. Every day I am talking with Him and praying that He takes away my anxiousness.
Through all this I am reminded that my relationship with God is rooted in darkness. When you plant a flower it is seeded within the ground and in the ground is where the roots are established. My roots are currently being established in the dark. The dark is where I can learn to fully rely on God and turn my comforts towards Him. I no longer have the comforts of home or the ability to run. I have to face my fears and know that God will provide me His perfect peace.
This journey isn’t going to be an easy one and every day I am going to have to fight for my relationship with God. The more I fight, the more I see the beginning of my roots sprouting into a beautiful masterpiece.
Be in prayer for me over the rest of this journey and the rest of this month at Eden Christian Center that I can continue to chase after what God is calling for me. I pray I can continue to find the perfect peace in Him and that my roots from here on out will only get stronger.
Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”
