God, where are you?
That’s a question I’ve been repeatedly asking as I’ve been here in Nsoko, Swaziland.
We are living and serving in a country wracked by AIDS, poverty and hunger.
…statistics say that if the AIDS epidemic continues, the country of Swaziland will cease to exist by 2050.
My heart breaks as kids come up to me with dirt-stained faces, ripped clothes and hungry bellies.
I see the hopelessness in the Go-Gos (grandmas) eyes as we deliver their 5 liters of clean water for the week.
I can hardly handle it as I see the kids try to stick their little hands through the fence to get whatever moldy food is on our compost pile.
I’ve seen things in third-world countries that I had hoped were just over exaggerated in magazines and commercials in order to bring in more funds to various causes…but the sad truth is that it’s real.
I see the reality of it in the eyes of the people that surround me every day…and it’s breaking me.
As I walk the dirt roads of Nsoko, visiting Go-Gos, praying for people and playing with the kids along the road, I’m so struck and broken by all the need that surrounds me.
It drives me to my knees as I cry out, ‘God, where are you?’
Where are you in this poverty?
Where are you in this hunger?
Where are you in the desperation and hopelessness of these people?
Why am I so blessed and these people are living in such unimaginable need?
I fasted and prayed for the people of Nsoko yesterday. Partly because I wanted to feel just a small amount of the hunger these kids experience everyday but also because I wanted to hear more clearly from the Lord on these questions I had for Him.
As I sat and talked to Him, the word that came across my heart again and again was SOVEREIGN.
‘…these people can experience me in a deeper way than those who can provide for themselves ever can. I am their hope, I am their everything.’
The truth is that the Lord’s sovereignty goes way beyond my understanding.
“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8
As I prayed, God brought me reminders of truth in His word about who He is and how He loves His people.
“For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight.” Psalm 72: 12-14
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.” Psalm 145:14-16
He is their Provider. He is their Healer. He is their Comforter. He is their Refuge. He is their everything.
Where is He? …He’s in their eyes, He’s in their smiles, He’s in their dirty faces, He’s even in their need and in their hunger. Their poverty allows them to lean on Him more tangibly then I could ever imagine.
He’s also in the hearts of the long-term ministry partners who give of themselves daily to bring the tangible hope of Christ to this community.
The Lord is sovereign over all…and, honestly, sometimes I think that’s all I need to know.
“See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart.” Isaiah 40:10-11
My heart breaks for these people but I know His breaks more. I can see their physical needs but He knows the needs of their heart. I can provide for the one but He can provide for each and every one.
The fact is that life is full of unexplainable hurt and sorrow. There is pain in the world that we can’t even begin to heal or understand. Yet I trust in His goodness and I trust in His sovereignty…
“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:9-10
…so despite the brokenness that surrounds me, it’s His peace that fills me because my heart is confident in the truth of His promises.
