Being a 27 year old who happens to still live with her mother has its perks. I don’t pay that much to rent a room. I really like my mom. Did I mention I save lots of money? Like, lots. My mom is usually pretty good at treating me like an adult (except when it comes to doing the dishes, but I probably deserve that). So when she started bugging me about the amount of blogs I’ve written in the past two months (um, none?), I knew it had gotten really bad. Truthfully, I was avoiding it. I had something else on my mind.
I was worried about finances. Last I left you, I was in Vietnam. I was two weeks past my deadline and the future became decidedly more uncertain. I had received many emails over the course of the race saying “you need to raise this much by this date to stay on the field”. I reached a point where I was further behind than I had ever been. At some point, I would get the money or I wouldn’t and I be headed home early. Trouble was, I didn’t know when that would be. I was expecting some dreadful email about my future any day. Vietnam changed to Ireland. I had the impossible amount of $4600 hanging over my head. I couldn’t begin to comprehend how it could possibly happen, let alone blog about it.
It seems God knew what he was doing anyways. He had me wait, for a very specific reason.
The month in Ireland passed by. I absolutely loved it. I loved the country. I loved our ministry. I did not, however, love living with almost our entire squad. It wore on me. Imagine living with 30 other adults and you can probably understand why. As the month progressed, I felt my desire to stay on the race fade away. I had seen $2000 come in, which was a miracle unto itself. But it did little to change my feelings. I didn’t like being on the race and I missed home. So many good things wait for me in Idaho. I had little trouble finding reasons to go home early.
And then it happened. I got that email. It wasn’t dreadful. The email essentially said I had five days to get $1200 or I would be on a flight home at the end of debrief. Once I got over the shock, I was relieved. It would finally be over.
The days dragged by. I finally reached a point where I was done. I couldn’t stay. I had reached the end of myself. I sat there and cried in front of my team as I told them I wanted to be done. They loved me, encouraged me, and would fight for me to stay when I couldn’t.
With three days left, it felt like forever. I just wanted to know. Two days left. I laid awake in my bed at night. I couldn’t sleep. As I lay there, I realized something. Jesus was worth it. He gave everything for me. And I can give my everything to him. So whatever he asks, whether it’s three months or the rest of my life, my answer is yes. It will always be yes. The next night, I got the news of the rest of the money coming in. I was staying.
Which brings me back to why? Why did it take so freaking long for me to get my funds in? It’s simple, I had to choose. I came on the race because God asked. I always do what God asks. That’s part of my relationship with Him. But will I freely give it? Before it’s asked of me? I needed to choose to give up myself and future of my own free will.
Almost a month later and I only need $70 to be completely funded. I got some fight back in me. I’m staying and making the most of it. Nothing looks like it did a month ago. God is good.
Thank you to all who donated to help get me here. Whether it was $10 a year ago or $1000 last month. It made a difference. Be blessed.
