I knew I was going to grow a lot squad leading, but I had no idea what that was going to look like. The Lord has really used this time to show me how to love…how to cut through all the false identity people throw at you, and to get to the heart of a person and love them. It has been an eye-opening experience for me.
I have also become aware of how judgmental and critical I have been throughout most of my life…if not all of my life. I have been looking at the speck of dust in the eyes of others and not paying attention to the 2×4 in my own eye. (Matthew7:3) If we are to be judged on the condition of our heart, then who am I to judge, if I can’t see into the depths of others that way?
But I think the biggest lesson of all and the most life-changing has been about what it means to have a spirit of adoption.
One day in Thailand, Joel came to me and started telling me how he knew he needed to delete all of the pirated music and movies he had downloaded. It’s pretty black and white…stealing is stealing.
(James 4:1-17) What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
This was something in his life, a choice he had made, that wasn’t allowing him to get close to God the way he longed to. He spoke to me about not-so-honoring choices he made in his friendships and relationships with others, and the way God called him to repent to them.
I had a vision a few weeks before having this conversation, of God pulling these idols that were attached to gold chains (kind of like a locket that you wear around your neck) out of my heart. I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t have idols in my heart.” But once Joel started speaking of this…I remembered the vision and I knew I needed to ask God what was getting in the way of Him and I.
We were with Team Relentless at the time. That night, during team time, Aubree had us ask God a question and wait for Him to answer, then if we wanted to, we would share with the group. When everyone started sharing, they had all asked God to reveal what was standing in the way of their intimacy with Him. I however didn’t.
Why? I think it’s because I was scared.
I didn’t want to see what was the real condition of my heart, and at the same time, I didn’t want to know so I wouldn’t be held responsible to let these things go. After I saw others struggling to let go of the things God had shown them, but then making the choice to do it anyway, I felt compelled to ask the question. I saw how much freedom they started to walk in once they got rid of the idol. (Read about Aubree’s story here.)
So I asked and this is what I heard…..
