Being a Christian is so much more then saying you believe in God. It’s more then going to church on Sunday, more then reading your Bible, more then just saying a prayer. Being a Christian is more then growing up in a Christian home, in a Christian family and knowing all the “right” things to do. And it’s more then doing all these right things. It is SO MUCH MORE. If I have offended anyone so far you have two choices. #1, you can stop reading right now and never find out what being a Christian really is and risk your eternal Salvation or #2, you can let your curiosity take you on the journey of my biggest realization on the World Race and how everything I had known and thought about my Christianity and Salvation was changed. Remember, it’s your choice and no one can force you to read this blog. But for the sake of you life, I hope you will keep going.
I grew up in a Christian home, with a Christian family. Church was a huge part of my social life and was of greatest importance to my family and I. Sunday services were a regular, almost weekly occurrence and I was involved in many church activities starting at a young age. I was a member of anything and everything that was available for my age; singing company, mine troupe, brass band, theory, going to music camp and as I got older, teaching those same things. I went to Sunday School and I knew all the basic Bible stories. I knew the lessons learned from each one and how to apply it to my life. I could sing all the kids songs and to this day I can hum the band music to almost every hymn. I was growing up being surrounded by the gospel, having Christian teaching and influences, singing and playing Christian music and knowing how to be a good Christian child.
Playing music, especially in our brass band, has always been the way that I experience God the most. Being a part of a group that creates beautiful sounds and harmony to bring glory to God has been the greatest form of worship for me. I love the intricacies involved in reading music and being able to bring the sounds to life to praise God. Band practise, singing rehearsals, and using those abilities during services on Sunday were the things I lived for. Anything that involved me DOING for God. Physically doing, performing, even being a part of church plays and dramas. Those were the highs of my relationship with God.
I think I knew that there was something missing. I think I knew that there was supposed to be more then my relationship with Him being based on these things. But I never truly acknowledged it. Then came the World Race.
I was never expecting the World Race to change me in the way it has. I knew it would affect me, I knew it would make me think, I knew it would break and make me never quite the same. But I never thought that it would open me up to a world so different and a relationship so intimate with Christ. The World Race brought me to a place so broken that nothing could ever be the same. I was brought to a place where I had to decide between a true relationship with Christ and accepting the gift of Salvation or “playing” Christian and pretending that that was fine. Being in community with so many people who love me so dearly, didn’t really leave me space to run. They would pursue me almost as hard as Christ does if they had to, and I knew that to be true.
Our month in Cambodia ended up being a hard and beautiful month, both in ministry and in my personal life. It was a month of processing after PVT (Parent Vision Trip) and being able to see my parents in the middle of my Race. It had been wonderful to allow my parents to see me in the World Race culture and to see how much I have grown but it also required a lot of journaling and processing through feelings and realizations. We were blessed to have Karissa (a Squad leader) with us that month. It was through her obedience to listening to Gods voice that she asked me the most important questions of my Race.
During a 1-on-1 in a coffee shop, our conversation led Karissa to ask me the question about my “defining moment” in my relationship with God. I knew something was wrong when I realized that I didn’t have an answer; I had no idea what my “defining moment” was. I couldn’t remember when I had made a conscience decision to follow Christ and to give Him my heart. That couldn’t be right, could it? I spent the rest of the day in emotional turmoil. I couldn’t settle my heart or my mind. She had asked me a question that made me unsure of everything else. I followed Jesus, didn’t I? I had listened all these years. I had prayed, read the Bible. I could sing all the songs, I could play all the music and I loved every minute. I knew all the right actions and preformed them with ease. I was, in many ways, a model Christian but had I truly accepted the Salvation Christ offered and had I really given Him my heart, my life, my all?
The next day we had our morning off and Hilary and I went to a coffee shop to have our quiet time and get work done on Wifi. After sitting quietly for some time, I couldn’t do it any more. I looked at Hilary and asked her if it was okay if I asked her a question. I asked her what her “defining moment” was, when she had given her heart to the Lord. As she told me, I felt amazed; amazed at she could remember so many details and that it had been such a special moment. When she was done she looked at me and asked me, “Do you have one?”. I said no, and asked if that was a bad thing. It was then and there that I truly realized that although I had been believing and living for the Lord all these years, I had never made that commitment or given my heart to God. I had never prayed to have Salvation, confessed my belief in Him or repented of my sins (Romans 10:9-13). Hilary, in her love for me and her commitment to Christ, read through scriptures with me and we talked about going your life to Christ. After looking through the Bible and talking with Hilary, she asked me the most important question; if I wanted her to pray with me to give my life and heart to Christ and accept Salvation. Of course I said yes! So right there and then, Hilary led a missionary to Salvation. She brought me from a place where I was just believing in Christ and living for Him, to a place where I was fully following Him and receiving the Holy Spirit to allow God to live THROUGH me. Right there and then, in the middle of a coffee shop, in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, my amazing friend, Hilary Hannigan, prayed with me, a missionary, to receive Salvation and give my life to Christ! I remember her reaction after praying with me, she came over, hugged me and called me her sister in Christ. It was a wonderful and beautiful moment.
That night, I told me entire team. They were so happy for me. There were tears and hugs. And for the second time that day, I was prayed for, only this time, it was seven of e most amazing women of God I have ever known. It was one of the most special moments of my Race. God allowed me to find Him in one of the last places I would ever expect. It was meant to happen on that day with these people. Earlier in the month, Hilary had written me a note that said she could see that God was pursuing me like crazy. He definitely was because He caught me and I responded. It wasn’t that I didn’t know Him, it was that I hadn’t accepted Salvation and hadn’t confessed my belief.
Please believe me when I tell you that this isn’t as rare as you might think. There have been many people who have grown up in the church, grown up in a Christian family or even lived “for Christ” for many years but they have never repented, confessed and accepted Him into their hearts. It is so easy when religion and Christianity are such a part of your life to assume and even believe that you are truly following Christ. The reality is that unless you have a real, intimate and personal relationship with Him in which you spend time with Him, talk to Him intimately and begin to listen to His voice (which may take time and practise), you a NOT a Christian and you are NOT truly following Him. People I know have even told me stories of PASTORS who did not have a personal relationship with God and had not asked Him into their hearts.
Following God is not about knowing all the “right” things to do, being able to sing all the songs or knowing lots of verses from the Bible. Following God is about giving Him your heart, repenting of your sins, ACCEPTING the gift of Salvation and intentionally working on a growing intimacy with Him. It’s amazing what you begin to see and be aware of when you finally do this. It will change your life, it will change your heart and it will make following Him the most important part of living.
