I’m home!
And it’s cozy and smells good.
But also weirder than I thought it’d be.
And I can’t decide if it’s home itself that is weirder or if it’s me.
And I don’t think I’m necessarily weirder, just really, really different.
And maybe it’s because my normal has completely changed and I don’t even know how to live here as my new self.
What I knew to be normal was:
- constant talking about my feelings
- hearing worship music most of the day
- having to find a buddy if I wanted to go anywhere
- carrying extra toilet paper in my purse in case there wasn’t any in the next squatty potty I had to use
- hugging people several times a day
- seeing bibles laying open and being read
- hanging laundry on rooftops
- spending only $4-5 a day on food
- converting the currency to USD
- talking openly about the Holy Spirit
- dancing and clapping during worship
- taking cold showers
- watching movies or shows on computer screens
- eating significantly smaller portions
- and having only a backpack of clothes to choose from.
Right now, the power is out at my house and it didn’t even phase me. That makes me realize just how not normal my life has been the past 11 months. I woke up to a note from my mom saying that he power was out. If I didn’t see that note, I literally would have simply taken a shower with my headlamp shining on me and just opened all the blinds around the house.
And in all this listing what my old normal used to be like, I can’t stop thinking about the thing that I liked most about my old normal; my desperate NEED for God.
It’s easy to need God when you see brokenness and true poverty everywhere as you walk down the street.
It’s easy to need God when you can’t handle a certain person that you’ve been with 24/7 for the past however many months.
It’s easy to need God when you’re physically exhausted but need strength to get through the 8 hours remaining in the ministry day.
It’s easy to need God when you don’t know where your team will be sleeping in a few days.
It’s easy to need God when He is the focus of nearly all conversations.
But here…
In this new normal where you call a power guy if the electricity is out, you may forget your need for God.
Life can easily become comfortable in America. You can “take care of yourself” with your awesome job or hard earned degree. You can plan all sorts of steps and have “back-up plans” and only pray as a last resort. You can only go to church a couple times a week but never study or worship alone. You may give a small part of your income to the church but never give your time or your heart to people.
I’m not accusing anyone of living like this, I am just admitting that it seems very easy to fall into, if I’m honest.
And I’m not saying that I don’t like some of the things in my new normal. I actually really love hot showers and I totally forgot how much!
But since I’ve been back, I’ve been careful to not let my need for God to go away. I need to stay aware and make sure that I don’t ever try to do life on my own. I need to remember that He is worth absolutely all that I have to give and that my life is His and that I am nothing without Him.
Since I’ve been home (for just over 2 days) I praise Him for all the little things that I missed about home and I have prayed for His comfort when I miss all the things from the race.
My heart is the same- totally in love with Jesus and completely in need of God. And I never want to forget that, no matter where I am and how normal it may seem.
