Some of the messes in my life that need to be cleaned and permanently walked through are things that I haven't told that many people, if anyone. But lately, God's been nudging me to confess and share these things with people that I trust, the girls on my team.
At first, I was like, "No way, God. I think I've been vulnerable enough. Those are secrets that I've got to keep." I listened for His response and He told me "Let Go!"
I was really confused about this response at first. I know that I wanted to let go of the past issues, memories and lies… but how? Slowly, God revealed to me that by holding these things inside me, not telling people and not working through them, was exactly that- me not letting go. I was holding on, keeping them buried, keeping them in darkness, pretending that they never hurt me. (I have been good at pretending to be "fine" since I was a kid. I think after my mom passed away, I became very good at hiding the things that hurt me the most that I wanted no one to see.) And as I've grown up, I have become ashamed of some things and hid them in the same place deep inside.
It was time for me to let go completely of them and walk through them and be completely free. Step one, as God lead me to see, was to bring them to the light.
Shame lives in the darkness but dies in the light.
Okay. Bring things to the light. Hmmm. I know that my team is a very safe place to be vulnerable and share my struggles. So I started there. I confessed certain things to individual teammates that the Lord told me to share and I shared other things with the whole team. The list I made of "messes" I was struggling with was now exposed and brought to the light.
But when anything is exposed by the light it becomes VISIBLE for anything that becomes VISIBLE is light. Therefore it says "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
-Ephesians 5:13-14
In this mess, I feel like a sleeper. I need to be awakened. I want Christ to shine on me.
My beautiful sisters in Christ live their lives to look more like Jesus. And they want me to do the same. We challenge each other in beneficial ways. We fight for each other. They are helping me walk through the messes toward being completely healed, unashamed, pure and free.
They never could have even started to help me if I didn't let go and bring things to the light.
