October. It’s October 1, 2012. I am reminded of last October. It wasn’t good. And this October has triggered a hundred diffent thoughts and emotions, both good and bad. And then my mind wanders to where I’ll be next October.
October 2011
This month was really hard. I was living in Lincoln, Nebraska. It was around this time that everything in Lincoln really started to fall apart. The girl that I had been living with made my life really difficult, to say the least. Not only did she destroy my social life, she forced me to have to find a new place to live. She moved out giving me a day notice. I was working three jobs in order to pay for rent on my own. I struggled to find a new place to live. I was barely passing my classes at the University. And worst of all, the guy that I devoted myself to had completely ruined me. We had broken up and gotten back together multiple times that year (like most unhealthy, toxic and ridiculous relationships). It really shattered me though. This was my first real relationship ever. And it was at this time that I finally realized that this guy that I totally gave my entirety to was not the one for me. (More accurately, I thought the opposite- that I wasn’t the one for him. I degraded myself and completely made this man the center of my world in the unhealthiest way possible). So here we were, broken up (again) and I knew it was for good. It hurt so badly. I cried a lot this month. Then, I made a crazy decision that I wanted to move back to Casper. I needed my friends. I needed to get out of the town that had nothing for me. To me, everything in Lincoln was <this guy> that I had so many mixed crazy emotions for, ranging from love to hatred. I started working all three jobs nearly full time in order to make enough money to move home.
Looking back, I see God present in this difficult month. When I lived in Lincoln, I didn’t acknowledge God at all. I never went to church, I never prayed and I never took my bible off the shelf. This is SO hard to admit, but it’s the truth. God had to let me reach this breaking point in my own selfish plans to even have a chance to go back to Him. I NEEDED to move home- not to be comforted my humans who care about me (and they did comfort me, so thank you to my true friends that helped me out of my brokenness)- but to come back to HIM and open my heart to HIM and to rededicate my messy life to HIM and allow HIM to guide my path! He was there in Lincoln. And if I hadn’t been so stubborn and selfish, I would have seen Him wanting to comfort me in my sadness and wanting to warn me against the stupid decisions I made. God never left me, and though I didn’t look to Him, he welcomed me home with open arms and revealed to me the wonderful plans he would have for me in the upcoming years.
October 2012
Now. So much is happening. Where do I start? I’ll tell you about the stressful, crazy, sleep-deprived parts first. I have been working so much. It’s getting to be really crazy. Here I am, trying to justify that “God’s provided the hours for me, so He must want me to work them” but I don’t think that’s the case. I need to make sure that I am providing myself with time to spend with Him and in fellowship with others. It’s been hard for me to balance my schedule lately. It’s something that makes me really stressed out. On the topic of stressors, I have to be moved out of my house by the end of October. I have to somehow sell or get rid of a TON of things in my house, move all the things that I want to keep into a storage unit, and pack whatever I need for 2 months into a couple suitcases to live off of until I leave in January. This is NOT easy. I don’t have time to just pack and pack and pack. And then to top it off, I need to find a home for Zazu (my cat) for the months of November and December. I have somewhere for her to stay while I am out of the country, but not while I am still here. This is breaking my heart. She is such an important little furry part of my life and I want to make sure she is safe. And between work and packing, I need to jump on the fundraising wagon and get going on everything there.
(That last paragraph was supposed to sound panicked because my mind races when I think about those things). Okay, breathe Melanie…
I want to move on to the more exciting, anxious, awesome and thrilling parts of this month. I have training camp in TWELVE days! I get to meet my squad mates in TWELVE days! Isn’t that crazy exciting?! I am very happy about this being a huge part of this month. I am extremely anxious about what training camp will be like, but I know that it will change me. And I am looking forward to that change. I can’t wait to hug all of my squad mates and to get REALLY pumped about leaving in a few short months!
Praise I owe to God this month- I have a place to live for the last 2 months of the year that I will be in the states. God not only provided a place for me to stay, but he hand picked the wonderful people that I will be staying with. Believers that can help to strengthen me before I embark on the biggest adventure of my life. Friends that I can grow with. And a family that I need. God is so amazing. This blessing is so huge and I can’t believe how perfectly He has worked it all out. Also, I know that the stress and obstacles that I am facing are all to strengthen me and allow me to completely rely on God and fully put all trust in Him. This is a test I want. (I just have to pass lol).
And then, leaving for training camp in TWELVE days is another huge blessing that God deserves so much praise for. I can tell that it’s going to be great. Training camp is making October a really wonderful month.
And Taylor Swift's new CD comes out two days after training camp. Thank you Jesus.
October 2013
Whaaaaatttt?! This is going to be insanely awesome. I will be in Malaysia on month number 10 of this adventure with God. Nearing the end of the 11-month journey. I can’t even imagine how much I will have grown at this point. I can’t even imagine the things that I will have seen at this point. All I know is that it’s going to be spectacular. I know this without a doubt. Why? Because it’s God perfect plan. His plan that he crafted special for me. It’s going to be wonderful. I can’t wait.
Oh, and I’ll be 24 and a half! That will be cool too.
