I serve a good God!
I just wanted to tell you that!
This month at Cicrin Orphanage, nothing has been what I expected. I expected to have children hanging all over me and to spend the month loving them with all that is in me.
But, as always happens with me, I was wrong. I was wrong. (I’m practicing saying this because I have found that it is rather freeing!) I was wrong AGAIN!
This month has been about the transformation of my mind, learning to serve in every moment, and loving my God with all that is in me. And in doing so, seeing the Lord in all the places and people that I encounter.
So, in a nutshell, these are the things the Lord has been talking with me about this month:
1. I am absolutely beautiful! I just wanted to tell you again in case you haven’t already read the other four blogs the Lord had me write about beauty. About five days ago, I realized that I still didn’t believe myself to be beautiful when the Lord began asking me to embrace the gift of beauty that He had given me. We began our weekly team “church” and it just came spilling out that the Lord was asking me to receive the gift of beauty. And what was even more beautiful was that I had four of the most beautiful and delightful ladies surrounding me as I poured out my heart and received His gift.
2. I thought I knew so much, but I don’t. We have been asking ourselves, as a group and individually, some difficult to swallow questions this month, such as:
What more will He require of me?
Do I trust Him enough to say “yes” to whatever He would require of me, even if it meant to leave behind everything and take nothing? Luke 9:1-6
Do I really trust in His goodness?
As we have been wrestling through some of these questions, I keep coming back to the fact that my God is good! And I love Him with all that is in me. As Seth Barnes, Jr. put it at our debrief in Antigua, I have chosen to have a “YES in my spirit!”
The Lord’s random sense of humor has been keeping me awake multiple nights this month, chatting with me in the middle of the night. It has been rather humorous until I actually have to get up in the morning and be sociable (which is usually difficult for me anyway before 10AM!!) Besides all that, one night as I am sitting in our 15 X 25 room, on my bed, with my headlamp shining at its lowest setting so as not to disturb my girls, I realized that He was asking me to give Him all of my thoughts, fantasy thinking, and dreams about being married. I hadn’t realized how much time I spend thinking about what married life will be like (and to be quite honest, I spend MUCH less time thinking about it now because I am kinda occupied this next year) yet it keeps me from Him because it takes my gaze off Him and on him.
3. And along with all this, I kept asking myself “Will I let Him be enough for me?”
The question is not whether He is enough for me! That has already been determined. He is enough for me, but I haven’t allowed Him to fulfill me, to satisfy me because I wanted “more.” And the crazy thing is that He is ALL that I have ever wanted. Wild, isn’t it!?
Anyway, that same night that I spoke of earlier, I was pondering “What if I died tomorrow?” Would I be content with all that I have? Would I be content without ever being married? And the list goes on… And as I began to answer all of these questions, I kept coming back with a resounding “YES!” He is enough for me, and I want Him to be enough for me. I don’t want to put that pressure on a man who would never be able to fulfill it anyway.
4. Lastly, I have to tell you about my most amazing day yesterday. It was probably one of the best days of my life, and I am not exaggerating by any means. And all I did all day was wash dishes, cut vegetables, picked the bugs and other debris out of the beans for our dinner, helped serve breakfast, lunch and dinner, organized the back kitchen with mi amigo, Elario, gave Delila a back massage, and enjoyed my time with Heidi, who is the cook on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for Cicrin. I felt like I was with Jesus all day because He dwells in them.
Heidi – she is the one on the left here, who chopped up two heads of cabbage to my completing 1/4 of this “pear-like” vegetable that took me forever to chop (but she just smiled when I said that I was not “rapido” like her!). I spent thirteen hours with her yesterday, and I was blessed for it. Even through my broken Spanish, I conversed with her and found out about her family and learned more about who she is. It was a beautiful day because she is a beautiful woman who has a heart to love and serve those around her. I want to be more like Heidi because she is Jesus to those around her. At the end of the day, she asked me when I was coming back to help her. And if it means that I have to sweat some more and wash a hundred more plates for thirteen hours a day, then it would be worth it if her workload was lessened if just for one day.
Delila – I am unsure how many days she works in a week, but her job is to wash clothes. And this is what washing clothes is like at Cicrin. No washing machine, just concrete cement washboards, soap, Lake Nicaragua water that is pumped into the center basin, and a whole lot of arm muscle!! And sometimes you may find her in the afternoon sorting through the beans, cleaning them for dinner. Again, another picture of Jesus that I want to be more like. And maybe her sore muscles did not hurt as much last night after the Lord used me to bless her with a massage. 
These ladies are my heroes for the month, as well as all the other men and women who day in and day out at Cicrin who care more for the children than they do about themselves.
The Lord is transforming my mind to think about less of me and more about His Kingdom agenda. It can’t get much better than this!!
