It’s month 11, with only a little over a week left of this crazy adventure, and God is reminding me that He isn’t done teaching me.
This month we have been living in the beautiful Bariloche, Argentina, doing relational ministry at a hostel/guest house. It has been so beautiful to be a part of the community here, and to see how naturally community happens with the guests here, and other people we come in contact with.
This past week, three of my team (Canada, Amanda, and I) packed our bags for the night headed up the big snowy mountain called Frey. We were told it was going to be a difficult hike–very difficult, and that we needed to be able to keep up with our contact (who is a professional climber). We were the chosen three; adventurous, determined, and for me, stubborn.
We left early Tuesday morning, got a ride from a friend, and began our hike up the mountain with Dylan and another volunteer, Daniel. It was so beautiful! The green, the blue, the clear lake below. It was nice to be able to walk with friends, talking, not talking, soaking in Creation.
We stopped a few times, talked with fellow-hikers, shared cookies. It was amazing to me to see how open and interested they were to talk about religion. The name “Jesus” doesn’t automatically turn people off here, it intrigues them. I learned about boldness on that mountain, and what can happen when you trust the Lord to carry your words for you.
I noticed that every time we stopped, it got harder to start hiking again. I had to restart my body. At one point we started back up on the most difficult part of the mountain. I could feel myself slowing down, getting tired. My legs were starting to hurt, I could feel the weight of my pack. But I was determined to keep going. I would not be the weakest link.
At one point I started praying, “Lord, I feel like I’m dying here. I know I can’t do this without you. Please help me get up this mountain!” I turned around and motioned to Daniel to go ahead of me, thinking maybe seeing everyone else in front of me would push me to keep going. But, he encouraged me along and remained the caboose.
We kept going for a while, and I kept praying. Then…
I started to loose my breath. I knew I needed to stop, but I was too proud, so I kept pushing myself. I became frustrated. I knew it would be hard, I knew what I signed up for, I knew I would be the weakest link (there’s that word again), but I didn’t know it would feel like this.
Suddenly, I took a breath in and it didn’t reach my lungs. I called ahead of me with all the breath I could muster, “Canada, I need to stop,”. She turned around to see what was wrong, and I told her I couldn’t breathe. For the first time I can remember, I couldn’t get any air. I could feel myself starting to panic. But I could hear the Spirit reassuring me that I’m okay. I started taking deep breaths, and Amanda ran back to me. She and Daniel asked me if I wanted help carrying my pack. I said, “no, I can do this,“. But the word that came out of my mouth said, “Yes”. I knew that was the Spirit speaking for me.
Admitting that I am weak was the last thing I wanted to do– especially with such high expectations presented before me. As I continued walking, slowly, water and granola bar in hand, packless, I was upset. I could feel my face getting hot. I wanted to cry.
But before I could let the thoughts of discouragement, self-doubt, and failure sink into my heart, the Spirit comforted me. He reminded me that He is still working with me on humility. He is still teaching me to let others love me. He told me that if I had continued to carry my pack in pride, I would have failed. But because I allowed my brother and sisters to come around me, I allowed myself to admit that I can’t do it by myself, I allowed myself be the weakest-link, I am victorious.
I asked the Lord to help me, and He did–He spoke for me. He brought community around me to support and encourage me. They rested with me, gave the last of their water for me, and carried my load. He showed me Jesus in them. He pushed me into admitting that I am weak, and in that, I found my strength.
I am so thankful that the Lord isn’t finished with me. I’m thankful that He continues to teach me, even when the lessons are hard, and not-fun to learn. He doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way that we want, but He answers them in the ways that we need. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus,” -Philippians 1:6
“To keep me from being conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three time I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
PS. Amanda doesn’t like snow. So, our training came in handy!
