These past several days have been life-changing. I had planned on posting a different blog, but that can wait for another day. Today, I want to share a few things that God has been teaching me.
I spent this past weekend at the GO conference in Nashville. The GO conference is a missions weekend hosted by the Iris Church. I had never heard of it before, but my friend had invited me to go with her and another friend, and so I signed up and offered up my apartment as lodging for the weekend.
Every message had something for me—during this conference and at church on Sunday. But I didn’t learn what I thought I would. I expected to learn about joy, about sharing God’s love with His children, about being steadfast in faith while overcoming difficulties. Instead, I was told “Do not set your heart on this Race”. Not the words I was expecting to hear…
But before I get to that, I want to share this with you:
Now this church, Iris Nashville, is very different from my usual church experience. I encountered a room filled with passionate worshippers. Yes, I’ve experienced passion before, but not in this form. There was healing, speaking in tongues, falling, giggling, crying, shaking; it was like nothing I had seen before first-hand. This brought on many questions for me (some are still not answered), but it definitely made me think about life, worship, and what a raw relationship with God looks like—and CAN look like.
I am a judger. I judge people. All the time. I don’t mean to; most of the time I don’t even realize I am doing it. But it happens. And, thankfully, most of the time my mouth keeps quiet. This weekend got me thinking. People looked ridiculous. People sounded ridiculous. My new friend Mary even walked around Kroger with a twitching body that was beyond her control. But you know what? It didn’t bother them what people might think. Because it really shouldn’t matter what we look like on the outside. And really, those silly, strange, socially unacceptable (even in the church) acts brought out the fact that they were in love. Not concerned with themselves, with self-image or how the world says we should act, but they were in love with Jesus—and nothing else matters. There are things about this that I still don’t understand, but that’s okay. What I do understand is the fact that God is in our hearts; who we are is not our body, it is our soul. Our bodies are simply vessels that are meant to reflect the Lord’s joy. As I jumped and danced around with my brothers and sisters, with no shame for my—let’s call it creative—dance moves, I felt a freedom I haven’t experienced in a long time.
^ First lesson.
Although the weekend was filled with singing, we had several spectacular missionaries speak. One of the things that stood out to me was this:
We don’t spend time before God so we can be missionaries.
We become missionaries so that others can experience time with God.
Wow. It is so easy to lose sight of this very thing. It is easy to become captured by the thought of adventure, the planning, the traveling, the children, the churches, the new experiences, even the heart change. But we (at least I do) need to be reminded not to get this backwards. Why do we do missions? Why do we spend time with God?
I was reminded that my prayers should not be for preparation of this trip. Furthermore, my prayers should not be focused on winning souls. What?! Yeah, you read what I wrote.
I was told, “Do not set your heart on this Race. Do not set your heart on winning souls. BUT… set your heart on Jesus—nothing else. Everything else will fall into place.” The purpose of my studies should not be to prepare me to witness to the nations. My purpose in growing closer to God needs to be for the goal of falling in love with Jesus. That’s it. My purpose for this Race needs to be a result of my love for Jesus and a desire to share what I have found. It’s easy to get that twisted. It’s easy to focus on the people we want to reach, the lives we want to touch, the work we want to do, and lose sight of our purpose for doing it.
I went to this conference believing that I would be inspired and pumped up for my Race next year. I was wrong. I left this conference inspired and pumped up to spend time with Jesus TODAY. I left with a renewed desire to spend every day learning more about Him and more about who He made me to be. I want to be close to Jesus. I want that joy that so many others have. I don’t want a spiritual high; I want spiritual growth. And growth happens daily. Today I am more in love with Jesus than I was yesterday. And I look forward to tomorrow.
As of this past week I have reached and surpassed my first deadline goal!!! I am beyond grateful! Thank you to the many MANY people who are supporting me in this ministry!! Not only is my World Race account filling up, but I have also received support for my other expenses! I now have my pack, tent, sleeping pad and sleeping bag! Thank you all for being a part of my journey! ♥
