I came to a realization today.
I have never been able to distinguish between what I do and who I am.
And it all started because of some pictures on my facebook.
Exhibit A.
Exhibit B.
[photo by terry moran jr. https://www.facebook.com/MoranPhotoGraphic — check him out. He rocks!]
Now let's be real.
At first glance these picture look basically the same.
I am in front of kids.
Making a fool of myself.
Singing. Dancing. Etc.
The first picture was taken in South Africa about a year ago. It was in a little one room shack in the township of Sweet Home. I was most likely leading some song in english that wasn't being transalated either during our VBS time or more then likely the 2 hours where their teachers were in class. I think it had been raining that day so the kiddos were extra crazy.
The second picture was taken today. I was helping lead a song at VBS. In english. Without the need of a transalator. With a microphone.
Now you are probably wondering what the difference is.
Sometimes I don't know what it is…
But there is a distinct difference.
Here is the question- What do I do?
I work with kids. In so many different capacities. I babysit, I teach preschool, sunday school, church childcare, coordinate sunday school, work with foster kids at events, camp counsel.
But in all honesty?
All those things aren't who I am. They aren't what I want to be defined by.
I am a woman of God. I am His daughter. Someone who has been blessed with the ability and opportunity to get on the level of His precious little kids and talk to them. Someone who desires to use her words and her story to reach others. Someone who wants to walk on a narrow lit path and follow where He leads.
So are the two different?
The picture from South Africa shows a person who has so ingrained the love of Christ in her life that it is coming out in so many different ways. It's not about doing a job. It's about being His.
And that isn't saying the picture from VBS doesn't show all of those things. What it does show is someone who is using one part of their God story. One part of who they are.
And it shows me desiring to live of life of being who I am meant to be. Not just doing what I am good at.
And therein lies a little more of my "why the world race" I want to be in a place where God can stretch me and grow me. Where I open myself up for the opportunities for Him to show me WHO I am…not just WHAT I do.
I know I've grown a lot since I graduated undergrad. I've cried a lot of tears, sat in my counselors office more times then I can comphrehend, been angry, yelled, made horrible choices, had ups, downs, joy, happiness and victory.
And now I am choosing to allow myself to be shaken up again. Giving God the space to work and move. And doing it all over His world. His creation.
I feel like I haven't explained myself completely- and that's ok. It's something I am working out, and through. Something I will contemplate for the next 5 months and through the entirety of my 11n11.
Now I must go to bed. One more day of VBS. One more day of singing kid's worship and running around like crazy. I would appreciate prayers for energy and endurance for not only myself but all of my volunteers. And an extra bit of emotional strength for me as I am coming to the true realization that I won't be around a lot of this kiddos anymore.
[As an PS. If you aren't subscribed yet make sure to click subscribe and enter your email. And if you want to support me financially–click the support link. I have a long way to go to 15,500 but if just 350 people donate one time 45 dollars–I will be fully funded and completely and utterly blessed]
