2 Corinthians 1:5-9 “We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die.”
Asia was an extremely hard 4 months for me. I never could really put my finger on what was going on or what I was feeling until a friend shared this passage with me at the beginning of Malaysia (month 3 in Asia). The word spoke to my heart and hit the nail on the spot for how I was feeling. This verse became my motto and all I focused on. Whenever someone would ask how I was doing, with tear filled eyes and a forced smile I would respond, “We are in Asia, and I expect to die.” As a matter of fact I did die many times.
Philippines- I died physically to my surroundings. I died daily to myself and what I wanted, to the comforts I thought I needed to survive, nightly as bugs crawled on me, and to my definition of what being safe was. I’ve never been more uncomfortable physically in my life. I died to the expectation of being known, accepted, and loved by my new team. I also died spiritually as I laid down doctrine I had been raised with and wanted more of Christ, a good death!!
Thailand- I died physically and mentally. As we worked clearing the bamboo forest I died daily to sore muscles and headaches when the bamboo would fall on me. The first week we were in Thailand our team was attacked with hidden secrets and lies that resulted in the whole team having lice and being further divided. I fought the lies and insecurities that didn’t belong to me but that a teammate placed on me. I fought lies and insecurities of my own. By the end of the month I was mentally exhausted and numb.
Malaysia- I died emotionally and mentally. I cried more this month than I ever want to admit. I cried until there were no tears left. I found myself face down in the dirt crying out to God more this month than I ever have before. Daily I didn’t know where to turn, who I could talk to so I began shutting down. I was blindsided and attacked with stuff going on at home. All I wanted to do was run but there was nowhere to run….where do you run when you are already half way around the world? I was attacked with more lies I thought I had dealt with months before. The month ended with one more lie: I had once again failed the people on my team…team changes.
Cambodia- Spiritually I began to die. I looked back on the 4 month of Asia couldn’t find God anywhere. I realized and verbally admitted to my team that I didn’t trust God. A question that had been in the back of my mind since Thailand came to surface, as a statement…when I get home from the race I will walk away from God. I was scared to tell anyone the extent of what I was going through. Before leaving Cambodia I called one of my closest friends and through (more) tears I told her everything, even the stuff I didn’t want to admit to myself. I asked her to pray and we hung up.
