God,
For years I have prayed that You would always break my heart for what breaks Yours. Before coming on the Race I prayed this prayer more fervently and had others praying as well that I would never grow cold hearted and get used to the pain, the hurt, the injustice and the poverty that I witness. My heart has been ripped, torn, and broke for Your children.
As I sit here with a 4 year old beside me eating her snack, little girls singing worship songs all around me, and girls laughing and playing games my heart continues to hurt. I look at these children and smile with them on the outside, but God, I can only smile and fight back the tears for so long. I look at these precious faces but don't even see them. I see the kids who haven't been rescued. In these innocent eyes staring at me, I see the children who will be sold today, dozens of times to selfish, disgusting men for a few minutes of sinful pleasure, if that's what you can even call it.
MY MIND DOESN'T STOP!!!
It drifts back to San Buena, Philippines and I wonder how many of those children will go hungry today because there is no money to buy food. I wonder how many boys are hiding under the trucks getting high to take away the pains of hunger and of life itself.
Will the tourist in Nicaragua see the child standing at the table begging for food through Your eyes? Will they give the child food of their plate or shoo them away because the child is nothing more than a nuance, ruining their vacation? Will the child be allowed to eat the food they find or will the man that owns them take it for himself?
Will the ministry in Honduras reach it's financial needs or will a feeding station be shut down? Which feeding station? Will children be turned away because there isn't money to buy food?
How many abandoned babies lay dying in Quiche, Guatemala never having been held, hugged, felt the touch of another human or loved? How many babies will die all alone and nameless?
How many people living in America will choose the world today and turn their backs on you? How many people are walking around depressed because the things of the world can't fill the void inside of them and they are ready to take their life because that will finally ease the pain?
God it's the end of month five!!!! Is there any part of my heart that isn't broken? Looking back over the past 5 months I see the pain and the tears and can't help but wonder something. If there are no tears or sadness in heaven then where is Your throne? As a sinful human if it hurts me to the depths of my soul and further, I can't imagine how sad You must be when You look down on this world.
I know the world is a sinful place, but is there no good anywhere?
Everywhere I look I see pain, sadness, heartache, grief. God, I always want my heart break for what breaks Yours, but please, I beg You, show me something good!!! You created this world and every living and nonliving thing in it. Your Word even says, You saw it and saw that it was good. So there has to be something good left here right? Or is it really just a joke?
Lord God, show me something good!
