Me. Me. Me.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been caught in a pattern of selfishness and self-serving. I’ve made this whole World Race experience, this life about me. The “sacrifices” that I am making for this trip have slowly crept up on me. Close friends are getting engaged, planning weddings that I am supposed to be a part of but have to miss out on. Family members are going to be graduating, holidays will come and go without seeing my family, loans have to be put on hold, vaccinations have to be received and a LOT of money has to be raised. And on top of all of this, people just don’t understand this decision. Questions are being raised, skepticism seeps in. Feelings are hurt. Sensitivity is heightened. It’s hard. It’s just plain hard.
But when I think about it, when I really think about it, I realize that this experience and this life in general have nothing to do with me. I have chosen to allow my feelings and the lies of Satan take precedence in my heart and my mind. I have forgotten who I am, whose I am and for whom I live this life. I have started to carry burdens I am not meant to bear. I have taken personally the confusion of those around me, mistakenly believing that it’s an attack on me. That I’m the only one who has felt this way. I have doubted that my God has already provided all that I will need for this trip. I have been trying to regain the control over this experience, over the people around me, over this life that has been given to me.
And the most amazing thing about this whole thing is that my God continues to show up in my selfishness. To make Himself known. To use the people around me as a reminder that He’s got this. To love on me when I feel unlovable. To open my eyes to the world around me. To help me see that the fight is already won.
So, as this is the first day of 2014 and a brand new year of possibilities lies ahead, I find myself completely humbled. Humbled by the generosity, the love, the grace and the support of my family and friends. I have already met my first goal and it’s only January!!! I mean WOW!! I am blown away by all of you! This dream is going to come true this year because you believe in me and in this dream. God has used you in my weakness to show His strength. I am humbled by the journey that God has taken me on and continues to take me on each and every day. I am but a meager servant of this amazing God who continues to pour grace and love on me, though I continue to doubt him. I am humbled by the fact that I don’t have to live this life on my own. I have a constant companion in Jesus. I am humbled that the God of the universe came to earth in the form of man to pave the way, sacrificing himself to give me full access to the Father because He loves me that much. I am humbled by the simple fact that I get to live this life for the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. That regardless of my feelings, my thoughts, and my circumstances, He is my truth, my way and my light. He is the reason that I get to wake up each morning, breathing deeply the breath of life. He is the reason that I get to travel the world spreading His love, His mercy, His grace and His truth. He is the reason that I can choose to so fearlessly live this life with boldness and confidence.
2014, my only expectation for you is that God shows up in mighty and powerful ways. It’s going to be a year of adventure, of prosperity, of growth, of change, of love and of loss. And I think it may just be the best year yet!!
