Wow. I can't believe I'm writing on my own World Race blog. That I am actually a racer…woah. It seems like yesterday that I was spending hours in class (sorry mom and dad :]) reading blog after blog, admiring the lives of these "radical Christians." Little did I know that I would become one of these, that I am one of these. Crazy how the Lord works!
But I have to admit, as you all know, it's taken me a LONG time to actually sit down and write my first post. I was accepted to the Race over two months ago and yet, here I am, just now writing. Which is funny because anyone who knows me, knows that writing is my therapy. You can say I'm very written expressive. Being able to document my thoughts and get them out on paper, it just makes me feel…better. It's my way of getting out my hidden struggles, my personal fears and my prayers to my Father. But in my own privacy. Having to do this in the eyes of others, I'm learning, is much harder for me than I thought.
Fears have surrounded me and the pressure to have a great blog, to write as well as my friends who have gone on this journey before me, to be that "mature, radical Christian" and to meet the expectations of those following me have been…crippling. I don't want to let others down, to say something wrong or not post the "perfect" blog. Silly right? But I would be lying if I said it isn't true.
But what's wonderful is that the Lord has been showing and reminding me that this is my race, my spiritual journey with Him and Him alone. Where I will grow in my relationship with Him as I learn more about my Beloved's heart and am changed in the process. My race won't look like everyone else's or anybody else's for that matter. Just like my personal walk, my race too will be different. And that's ok. That's what my Father has intended, for me to discover more about Him through my own experience. He will break me, refine me and shape me in ways unique to me. And I'm learning more and more how much of a beautiful thing that is. How undeserving I am to have my own, one of a kind relationship with the Creator of the heavens. That He cares about me so deeply and loves me so relentlessly that He doesn't make our intimacy together like anyone else's. Our journey can't be duplicated. How beautiful is that?! INCREDIBLE!
So readers and supporters, I want you to know that with the help of the Holy Spirit, I'm laying my fears of expectations, judgment and comparison at the foot of the cross. I don't want to be concerned with writing the perfect words, words that will move you emotionally and give you an illusion of a fantasy journey. I want to be raw, vulnerable, and let you in on how the Lord is breaking me and refining me, even as I walk through the fire. For even though this is an experience I will live first-hand, you all are walking through this with me. As members of the body of Christ, we are taking this adventure together. An adventure to bring hope to the hopeless, faith to the faithless and most importantly, a Father to the fatherless.
How blessed am I that the Lord has chosen ME, despite all my imperfections and inadequacy, to do HIS work for the kingdom?! I will never get past the depth of that!
Thank you all for your support and prayers and for joining me on this crazy journey!
LOVE Y'ALL 🙂
