On Friday of this past week, my team leader- Marlo, and squad leader- Kay, and I set off from Nkahata Bay to go to Lilongwe because Marlo’s bug bites were infected and required better health care. We thought it would be about a 9-10 hour journey, comprised of “mini bus” travel (15 passenger van), as well as a ministry contact taking us in his personal vehicle for the last few hours.
We left at 7am and made it about three-quarters of the way before arriving at a resting point. One of our other teams (shout out to Intrepid!) provided us with immense hospitality and we ended up spending the night at their compound/home.
Saturday morning, we left at about 7am, this time piling into a small sedan with a really lovely, God-fearing man by the name of Ken. I took shotgun (no, not a gun. The front seat, silly!) and noticed Ken buckling his seatbelt. We Racers commented on how few seatbelts we’ve encountered the last three months as we buckled up. Ken apologized for being a slow driver, but we assured him that it wasn’t a problem and that we didn’t need to arrive in Lilongwe at a specific time.
Maybe an hour later, I felt the presence of the Lord fill the Corolla (He doesn’t actually fit, I’m sure you can imagine). I got super excited, and in my heart said, “Yay!!! Jesus is going on a road trip with us.” But a few minutes later, I felt sleepy. I tried to argue, thinking “No, I don’t want this time with you to end.” He answered quietly, “It’s okay, rest your eyes. I’m with you always.” So I did. Jesus Culture filled my earbuds and I relaxed.
About half an hour later, my eyes flew open to the sudden impact of our car stopping. I heard a smashing sound. I felt my body move forward, then jolt back and my neck cried out in pain several minutes later. I tasted a mouthful of dirt. I saw the hood of the car taking up most of my view because it was badly bent. Kay, Marlo, Ken and I suffered no injuries, save for some neck pain for Marlo and me (which is now resolved).
A horse-drawn cart in the opposing lane of traffic veered into our lane after the driver of the cart apparently whipped the horse and our car collided with the cart.
We pushed the Corolla off the road and really, really badly wanted to go to the scene and help. It was uncomfortable for my Emergency Room nurse self to remain seated. Ken asked us to stay in the car for safety reasons. We couldn’t see very well because we were now a fair distance away from the cart and the injured people. But we heard the screams of onlookers as they realized the extent of the injuries. Two cart passengers died shortly after the collision.
I may not know exactly why the accident happened, but I know the Lord’s fingerprints were everywhere. Seatbelts. I would have flown through the windshield without it.
All three of us were relaxed with our eyes closed when it happened. Fewer injuries are sustained when your body isn’t braced for impact. I like to think our eyes were closed because the Lord shielded our view- we didn’t have to see the traumatic event actually happen.
And that sweet moment shortly before. Oh, the weight of His presence in the car is a memory I’ll always cherish. He prepared me for what was going to happen.
I’m usually on the other side of these situations- I’m the one helping to save someone’s life, not part of the force behind their death. I know it isn’t my fault, and I know that Ken asked us to stay in the car for a valid reason. I trust that the Lord is sovereign and His glory will prevail someday, somehow because of this tragedy.
Now all I can do is accept and emotionally process what happened. His timing, as always, is perfect. We arrived in Lilongwe with a few days to spare before the arrival of our whole squad. So I journal, and watercolor, and swim, and talk about it, and pray for the families of the victims. I give myself permission to feel, or not feel, anything in response. I don’t give myself a hard time based on how I think I “should” or “should not” feel. I just let it happen, and work through reactions as they come up. Self-compassion and self-care are crucial to handling traumatic events, and life in general.
There isn’t one part of me that is filled with fear or doubt, and neither should you be. Clearly the Lord isn’t done with the four of us yet- we have work to do for the Kingdom and He made that clear by His obvious display of affection for us- protecting us from harm.
And, Marlo’s bug bites are almost completely healed, hooray!
In other news, we’ll be together as a squad for a few days in Malawi, and then we depart for Zambia. On to month 4!
