Beaut … a B.E.A.utiful thing.
But it has taken me seven grueling months of misunderstandings, failings and awkward foot-in-your mouth kinds of moments to land here.
If you're currently on the race or have previously completed it, you know exactly what I'm referring to; however, if you find yourself unfamiliar with "world race" lingo let me explain.
FEEDBACK is the wonderful time EVERYDAY when your team of six or seven men and/or women sit in a circle and share any moments of joy and encouragement from the day's happenings. This may sound like an all too familiar episode of our favorite childhood purple dinosaur Barney, does it not? Well it would play out as joyfully, with singing and snuggling, as the the slightly sketchy childhood drama portrays, EXCEPT – I'm human.
Instead, I find fun and unique ways to twist the definitions of joy and encouragement to mean things more along the lines of " it would bring me great joy… if you would stop zipping and unzipping the door to your tent until 1 am in the morning or clicking away on your keyboard until the rooster crows" or "I just want to encourage you to stop cracking every knuckle and joint in your ENTIRE body while I'm sitting next to you, trying to read my Bible." My flesh quickly learned to adapt on the race to bring MYself more joy and MY own situations more comfort, rather than challenging or "encouraging" my own broken identity by brutally throwing my lack of contentment on others – specifically my teammates.
Well this month, I ain't havin it.
I've decided that after months (six to be exact) of praying for "joy in all circumstances" and feeling as though the Lord had deserted me, it was time for a change of perspective. No more heading into "feedback" carrying the burden of feeling as though I need to call people up and out to be more Christ-like. Instead I'm turning inward to figure out where and when I became so prideful and why I thought I could tell others what they need to do or try not to do in hopes that my mood isn't effected. That's the Lord's work. And as I continue to dive deeper into the truth of our best example of how we are to live with one another, Jesus, I am immediately humbled by the conviction I feel to simply LOVE those around me and not "feedback" them.
Apologies to all my previous teammates (my parents, siblings, extended family, friends, Team Eshet Chayil & Team Samba), as I am more positive than ever that you were hurt along the way.
Thank you for loving me through this process. It's been beautifully encouraging.
