Spiritual warfare has always been a confusing subject for me. I understood that it was easy to fall into temptations of the flesh and so often I fell into believing lies about myself instead of walking in the truth of God and what He says about me. But the thought of a spiritual attack straight from the devil freaked me out–way too supernatural for me. So I was living in naivety, trying to understand God and the supernatural with my tiny human mind. I was taken on a supernatural journey this month where this wall was torn down and God showed up in huge ways.
Our time this month was spent at El Shaddai children’s home, on a hilltop in the middle of Swaziland, where are main focus was loving the children there. As excited as I was to engage with the children, I was instantly attacked with lies. I was being told that I was not good with children, that my love for them was not pure, and that I did not know how to connect with them. I let these lies consume me and I started to believe them. I did not feel like myself and I found myself getting nervous and hesitant to even be around the children. This did not make sense to me and it made me question my character. This was a dangerous place to be because once I let Satan attack my character I disengaged with the children, becoming inwardly focused and secluded. My squad leader told me that often times Satan will attack when he knows you are about to do something big, or knows your passions and wants to make you question yourself and distract you from what God is about to do.
Think about the temptation of Jesus in Matthew 4. After Jesus had been fasting for 40 days and 40 nights, Satan tested Jesus and told him that if he really was the Son of God that he would turn stones into bread. Jesus responded, “Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Satan then proceeds to tell Jesus that if he bows down and worships him, all the kingdoms of the world will be his. Jesus responds saying, “Away from me Satan!” And then the devil left and angels came and attended him. This story amazes me. Jesus was human and he was hungry, yet he stands steadfast in the Lord. Satan was trying to attack his character but Jesus does not let him have any foothold on him. He banishes Satan away and is surrounded by angels.
Instead of doing what Jesus did I let Satan have a foothold that made me question my character more than I ever have before. But once I started walking in truth, the foothold was broken and I experienced the Holy Spirit in a way I never have before. In the end I was encouraged and strengthened.
God used a thirteen-year-old boy named Peter Pan to remind me of my true character and love for children. From the beginning of the month I was drawn to him and wanted to be his friend. It was obvious that he needed a friend and a confidence boost. He wanted to be loved. I continued to pursue him, even if he ignored me or avoided eye contact and acted uninterested. But over the last week at El Shaddai, I finally broke the foothold Satan had on me and loved this child as much as I could. By the time I left, we had formed a friendship that I will never forget.
I came to realize that Satan has no hold on me and because Jesus is living inside of me, I have a character of love and compassion. God used me in Peter Pan’s life and I truly believe Satan was trying to stop that. I have assurance now that God is using me in ways I do not understand and will continue to do so throughout this race.
Don’t let the enemy lead you to doubt yourself or you will never fly into what God has for your life.
Megan 🙂
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