It was a beautiful South African afternoon and my team and I were shoveling dirt. Erika’s (our host) son Francois was helping out with the dirt and he had a way with throwing it off of his shovel ever so gently into the place it needed to go. I wanted to learn! He made it look so easy, so I tried and tried but could not seem to do it like him. A couple hours later, I was getting frustrated and said “I’m never going to be able to do it like you Franky!” He responded, “Practice makes good. Because you’re never going to be perfect. It takes the pressure off of you even trying to be.” Profound.
How did shoveling dirt in and out of a truck lead me to this profound realization? I don’t have to be perfect? God’s grace says so? It’s exactly what I needed to hear because it is one of my biggest struggles. I let myself believe that I need to have my life together in order for God to really use me. I need to be less awkward, read my Bible more, speak more eloquently, and pray more before God wants me. I try to fix this stuff on my own through beating myself up about it, but you know what that does? It leaves God out of my life. I become driven by the voice in my head instead of the Spirit living inside of me. I just finished reading Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz and he writes, “Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God’s love will. The ability to accept God’s unconditional and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey Him in return.” I think I’m starting to believe God wants to use me in my imperfection.
This month, my team has had a lot of time to spend together and dig (literally dig haha) into what God says about us. I am so thankful that God is showing me how much He loves me and wants me as I am. This year I want to learn to really accept this and let God use me in my brokenness. I know I cannot be the only one who thinks they have to be perfect before letting God in. Do you believe God is waiting with open arms and all you have to do is let Him wrap His arms around you? We will never be perfect, but God’s grace does not care about perfection. What a relief, I’m ready to stop thinking I need to be perfect and be fueled with God’s love, how about you?
Megan
