Hey everyone!
Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog! I can’t believe how fast time flies, its like I just started college, and now I’m an official OSU graduate. These have been the 4 most challenging and intense and best years of my life. I have discovered so much about myself, other people and God that I have a hard time always realizing the ways I have grown. This past year has been especially rough for me. I have been confused about what God wants me to do with my life and have run to other things instead of God to fulfill me.
I signed up for the World Race because it is something I have been interested in since my freshman year at school, but being accepted in September, I have had a lot of time to try and find a way out of it. What could I do that would be more up my alley? Could I find fulfillment here in the United States? If I met a boy, then could I get out of it? What if I just started living the typical college life and partied with my friends, then would this really be God’s plan for me? But, its funny how God works. One of my favorite Bible verses says this:
“Ephraim is like a dove, easily deceived and senseless — now calling to Egypt, now turning to Assyria. When they go, I will throw my net over them; I will pull them down like birds of the air. When I hear them flocking together, I will catch them.”
-Hosea 7:11-12
It’s funny because this verse has stuck with me since the summer of 2011, when I realized I was Ephraim, a dove who was trying to fulfill myself in anything but God. Two summers ago, I was in a spot where I was unsure and running from the life I knew God had for me. And once again, I have found myself in the same spot. This year, I found myself running again—and instead of retrieving to my Lord, I hid, I kept running and I lived like I had my stuff together not accepting my complete brokenness. So, I’ve been realizing these days that I’m pretty good at running, but God is even better at capturing.
At a recent church service, my pastor talked about the calling to be people who consider the world. The thing that struck me the most through this sermon is the fact that there is a strong disconnect between people’s passion to change the world and what they invest their time in. I recently looked through some old journal entries of mine and there always seems to be a common theme: deep down, I know I am meant for more, but the temptations of this earth seem to hinder me. I have a huge disconnect in my heart. I want/know/trust/deeply desire to be someone who does something great on this earth, but the things I invest my time/heart/attention in do not line up.
So what have I learned from all of this running? From my doubt? From my failures? I have learned that God captures me every time and will continue to capture my heart like he did that summer. And how do I know this? He has proved it to me over and over. For example, sometimes I catch myself thinking, “Man, I don’t know if I should really be doing this. You know, Megan, you could probably get out of it because you don’t have that much support raised yet. Okay, God, if you really want me to go on this, provide me with the finances.” And bam, two times when I was doubting this adventure, I receive money. One time it was an email from my church telling me they want to support me. Another time, my friend who I was not going to ask or even expecting to give me money, handed me 100 dollars and said, “This is for your trip.” You know, it’s things like this that make me understand more and more that no matter what I do, how much I am deceived and make senseless decisions that God loves me more than I will ever know. That God has a plan for me, a plan greater than I could ever dream about. And allowing God to capture me in His net time and time again will be more fulfilling than anything imaginable. So, although I am terrified of what this 11-month adventure has in store for me, I have never been more certain about the fact that this trip is part of God’s plan for me. I think it’s time for me to submit and let God into my heart completely.
Megan 🙂
