This past week, my team, as well as the other teams on my squad, have been experiencing some intense spiritual warfare. Sunday was especially bad for me, and I only got about 2/3 hours of sleep. Unfortunately, it not only affected me that night, but the next day during ministry as well. I was sleep deprived, frustrated, and honestly pretty scared. My only thoughts were about why this was happening, and how I could prevent it, but nothing crossed my mind about what my ministry would look like if my heart wasn’t fully in it. About half way through teaching my first class of the day on Monday, it dawned on me that this was exactly what the enemy wanted. He wanted to distract me from carrying on God’s work. Literally ever since I can remember, people have constantly told me that I radiate joy, and that joy is my best, most prominent gift from the Lord. Choosing joy that day was not exactly an easy task for me to do, but every couple of minutes throughout the whole day I had to constantly remind myself to choose joy, and if it seemed impossible, at least fake a smile for the kids’ sake.
This started out as a selfish decision because of how awful I was feeling, but the Lord showed me it was not for me that I should choose joy, but for the kids at school. The district we teach in is in a very poverty stricken place with many gangs, violence and abandonment. Most of these kids come from broken house-holds and their only escape is playing with their friends at school. Who knows if they even have one parent who gives them the time of day or the love and affection they deserve. I think our ministry is not only to teach them English to help them better succeed in their future, but mostly to show them what God’s love feels like. It is absolutely astonishing what happens to a child’s face the second you smile directly at them and ask their name. Their whole face lights up, and for a moment, it’s like they truly know what it feels like to matter. So if I chose to selfishly wallow in my own sadness and defeat, I could have jeopardized the chance for God’s love to pour out on these children.
All the spiritual attacks that have been happening are honestly a sign that we are doing awesome work for the betterment of God’s Kingdom. The enemy is scared. This just shows that we are on a great track for what God has planned. We will do great things through Him.
The next night, all 13 of us gathered in the living room to pray, read the bible and worship in hopes to fill our hearts with God before we went to bed. I tried to participate, but I began having an anxiety attack that was purely fear-born, and I literally couldn’t open my mouth to talk. I was terrified of going to bed because I didn’t want the spiritual attacks to happen again. Instead of talking out loud, I was screaming to God in my head asking him to take my fear away and just hold me the way a mother would hold a child having a nightmare- but I neither heard nor felt anything from him. I was very discouraged and honestly a little upset at God. After we were all done, people began to retire to bed, and one of my teammates, Mackenzie, approached me saying she had been really intensely praying for only me during our worship time and that God had given her visions for me. She then explained that she had a vision of God cradling me in his arms, comforting me. All the while, dark figures were surrounding us, but could not penetrate past the circle around us. Then they all fell away at God’s command.
Imagine my astonishment when she told me that…. I’m sorry, WHAT?! You mean to tell me God actually heard my prayers and sent Mackenzie to relay his message? Wow. Yeah He’s pretty cool. Ever since that night though, I have gotten a full, peaceful night’s sleep every night! I realized that the enemy was gaining a foothold in the fear I had. Satan was feeding off my fear, but once I realized what was causing that, I could push out that fear and rely completely on God to give me peace and comfort. I had to choose joy. It just goes to show that the Lord is stronger than anything that stands between me and Him.
Sorry that was a long one guys, but I really felt called to write down this experience for you all. Also, even though I haven’t experienced any spiritual attacks recently, there are still a couple people in the house that have experience spiritual warfare almost every night. So please keep them in your prayers.
