Jump off a Cliff, DO IT!

So I’m back in Kalamazoo, MI.
 
I’ve been back for 1 week now. And this time around it feels like everything is new. 
 
I am new.
The house I’m in is new.
The neighborhood is new.
The friends around me are new.
And the depth of dependence I’m living in is new.
 
I came back without a job, without a car, and without savings. The Lord said, “Go” and  so I went. 
 
But…I came with expectations – damn expectations! I came thinking everything would fall into place right when I arrived! I thought I would find a job within 1 day, have a car gifted to me right away, and receive a pay check quickly. Why? Because this is what I needed in order to feel like I succeed. But each day as I sat, God kept saying, “Wait.” And I wrestled with waiting.
 
I was finding my identity in doing and worldly success rather as a child of God.
 
I felt okay knowing I had some financial aide coming that would cover my living expenses until I found a job. My back-up plan was covered.
 
Why does money make me think I’m secure? (Serving the wrong god at this point…)
 
Then Wednesday I found out I wouldn’t receive my refund check until October 1^st.
Say what?
 
Insert the tears, fear, shame, and lies here.
 
As I sat with my two friends tears flowing, one says, “YAY! You are in a trial!” (with absolutely no sarcasm inserted) I laughed…it set me up to be in the right place. To be thankful and celebrate that the Lord was pulling me deeper into Him, weeding out the old, replacing it with greater faith, and entrusting me with more.
 
But that thankful heart didn’t come right away, I will be honest that day was hard. Tears fell, wrestling took place, my eyes became swollen, and after hours of crying, exhaustion set in. I literally cried until exhausted, feel asleep, and then woke up and did it again. God spent the day graciously loving me, wrestling with me, and speaking to the lies I had agreed to about him not being trustworthy or great. I found myself in a place of dependence I had never been before, a place I didn’t feel capable of living in. But thankfully God knows me better and desires MORE for me.

I was now in a new season of humility where I had to rely on the Lord for my every thing! And I’m so grateful he stripped away everything but Him. Did it hurt? Was it hard? Yes.
 
But I have to say, IT WAS/IS ALL WORTH IT.
 
I prayed that God would make me more desperate for Him. And He was answering.
 
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
 
He never let me fall. He hasn’t let me go hungry 1 day. I have not been without. Rather, He has infused me with faith, joy, and excitement. He provided a lamp and bulbs for my bedroom day 1. He provided a roommate’s car to use on Friday to drive to Grand Rapids for Seminary. I have been given a bed to borrow until I can finish purchasing mine. An unexpected check arrived to provide for this week. And I believe He still will provide a car (Blue Toyota Camry, the one I felt to specifically pray time) in time. In the Kingdom of God there is NO LACK.
 
"Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing….those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:9-10
 
Two years ago I wouldn't have been bold enough to take this step, fear would have paralyzed me.
 
And so now I ask you,
What step are you afraid of taking?
What itch have you been ignoring?
What voice have you been silencing out of fear?
What backup plan do you have in place?
 

 
Yes, it WILL be hard.
Yes, it will stretch you.
No, things will not happen in your timing.
But I can also promise you IT IS WORTH IT.
God IS GOOD.
God will not leave you nor abandon you.
And EVERYTHING you need WILL be provided.
 
But you have to say YES.
You have to step off the ledge and fall. You have be bold and courageous, even if only for 15 seconds. Or else you will remain on the same mountain.