Written 12-21-10
Words.
“If you speak, you should do so as one who speaks the very
word of God.� 1 Peter 4:11
When I speak
is it the very word of God?
Is everything I say needed?
What
does my speech reflect? Where
is my speech rooted?
I’ve asked God to point out the root of my speech. I’ve
prayed that his words be the only things that come out of my mouth. I’ve asked
Him to reveal my heart behind my speech. To stop any idle speech that I may
just say to say.
And it’s kind of rocked my world.
I have been focused on speaking life into people and
situations but this month my eyes have been opened to all the times I am not
speaking out of life and abundance.
This last week I have felt like my heart is fashioned open
for surgery. It’s been split open for all to see. It is exposed. But that is
where we need to begin. “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks�
(Matthew 12:34). So before I speak only the very words of God, the junk or
residue needs to be cleaned out. I like
to picture an oil spill (or leak). Different events have happened in my life to
either bring life filling my heart with clean fresh water. Or they have brought
death leaking oil into my heart and covering parts of it altering my perception
and thinking. And now it needs to be cleaned up before there can be purely
clean water.
As the light has been exposing the oil God has pointed out
is that my pain and rejection has oozed over area of my heart and are the
lenses I’m looking through. I’ve found many times lately that I’ve been
operating out of rejection and mistrust. Often my words, phrases, or the
emotions behind my words are only there because my words are flowing from that place
of rejection. I’m entering conversations and relationships looking through that
lens. I’m expecting rejection. I’m expecting to be let down and to be hurt. I’m
not trusting the women and community God has placed me with.
It’s been a hard thing to see. Every time I make a comment
or say something from that place I feel an ache in my heart and stomach
realizing that I was operating out of pain and hurt. But I see too that as I
see that and pray for cleansing a bit of oil is washes or scrubbed off.
“As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the
heart.� Proverbs 27:19
I don’t want my life to reflect rejection or pain. I don’t
want to live anymore thinking that God doesn’t love me, that he doesn’t have the
best in mind for me, or that people aren’t trustworthy. I want to believe and
know the love of my Father, my Dad. I want to live in a place that my heart
overflows with love and nothing but love. I want my water to be clear.
So I am praying and asking my team to help me in this endeavor.
I’m asking God to heal that pain in my heart and to clean out the residue of my
past rejections. I’m asking God to help me enter each day with the renewed
mindset that I am loved and accepted. I
want to place Jesus like a seal over my heart (Song 8:6) so that I can look
through His eyes. And I’m asking my team to love me and speak the love of
Christ over me. I’m asking them to show me when I speak out of rejection and
pain. I’m asking them to enter this place of vulnerability as well.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast
spirit within me.� Psalm 51:10
Where are you speaking from?
What do your words reveal about your heart?
Hard questions to ask, but so much life comes from it…..
