So my favorite day of ministry on the World Race so far was this past tuesday. Our host mom, Beth, leads a Celebrate Recovery class every week for the women in a prison near where we live. I was really excited to do prison ministry, but I honestly had no idea what I was in for. I was expecting the women to be intimidating, at least rough around the edges. I was expecting it to be challenging to have a judgment free heart. I expected that they would be learning from me.
I really tried to come up with a theme for this blog. I thought about writing about how much we all need community and support. I thought about writing about the body of Christ, how God uses us despite the sin in our lives, how he redeems us and makes us beautiful. I thought about writing about how we are all in the same boat, how we all need Christ. I thought about writing about Mamma Beth, and how watching her walk in obediance and passion moved me to want more of the same for my own life. But the truth is that I can’t write about my experience at the prison without writing about all of these things.
I walked into the prison feeling a lot of pride. I thought to myself,
‘Yeah, I’m totally cut out for this. I can’t wait to share my testimony of the things I’ve been through and how God has redeemed me. I hope these women feel encouraged by it and can relate to me on some level. I’m not even scared at all.”
I felt tough for not being scared. And then I walked into the room where class was going to be held.
A small Nigerian woman full of energy came running up to me to show me a handmade necklace she was wearing. She started talking about creativity and how beautifully God had created all of us. She started talking about Nigeria, and all of the places she had lived. It wasn’t until later that I even realized she was an inmate, and not until after I left that I heard the story of why she was in prison. The women started pouring in, sitting down, sharing snacks and drinks with us around the table. And I started talking to them, and thought to myself, ‘These women are just like me. They miss their families. They love Jesus and are so thankful for the redemption he’s shown in their lives. They rely on him everyday. They need community and they crave acceptance.’
By the time I was getting ready to share my testimony, I was feeling pretty inadequate. What could they possibly learn from me????
And still they had questions for me, they cared about my life, they wanted to learn from this 22 year old North American who was feeling pretty stupid for thinking she had anything to offer, anything to teach, any more of a grasp on life.
We all need Celebrate Recovery. We all have strongholds in our life. We all have sin, and we all have been judged. Sometimes misjudged. Often misjudged. I realized that just because I thought I had an open mind and wanted to love on these women, didn’t mean that I was entering into this ministry judgment free. I wasn’t. I thought I had more to offer them than they had to offer me.
It wasn’t until the car ride home that I heard their stories fully. But by that point I didn’t care who was responsible for the death of their child, or who was criminally insane, or who had been caught smuggling money or drugs. It didn’t change the love these women had shown me or what they had taught me. They taught me to love myself and find my own beauty, from Christ, and not to let that be shaken by others’ views of me. They taught me that anywhere can be a prison if you let it be, but God can meet you and sustain you anywhere if you let him. They taught me that community and having each others’ back is so, so important, and that sometimes, that’s all we have. We need to protect each other.
And that’s the body of Christ. I truly think that that’s how Jesus sees us. He doesn’t look at us and see the messes we’ve made, the bad choices or the people we’ve hurt. He sees how much he loves us, how much he can still use us. He sees the place he’s saved for us. The beautiful things he has for us. What we will learn and what we will teach others. And this is so beautiful to me.
