So tonight was our last night at debfrief. (Debfrief is a few days after some of the months where we get to regroup and reflect on what God is doing in us and through us).
After a month of intensive ministry, it was awesome to have time to reflect and put into sensible thoughts what God has been teaching me. I could talk abot a number of things that the Lord has been doing in me….breaking chains of fear and the feeling inadequate, freedom from mistakes I’ve made in my past and hurts I’ve experienced, choosing to love people unconditionally, learning that God’s love can’t and will not stop pouring over me…I could go on forever. But I think that my favorite thing I’ve learned is about living in community.
In the beggining of the month, community living was the most challenging thing about the race. All I wanted was to be able to nap, cry, use the bathroom, etc. without 40 people laughing, shouting, heart-to-hearting, showering, etc. all around me. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of people that couldn’t possible ever really know me, just trying to get by and not piss too many people off.
The month was honestly challenging. Living life with people you didn’t choose (and at first, didn’t really know) is difficult. Managing conflict and giving feedback can be awkward and frustrating. And there was a time where I kind of just quit and checked out.
But I’m learning.
We all are.
We are learning how to love each other with no bounds or conditions. When its hard and when we would really rather throat chop each other. We are learning to carry each others’ burdens and help each other fight the really hard fights. We are learning to have each others backs and to speak up when we are scared to and to call things out when we need to. We are learning to fight for each other. These people who I knew (almost) nothing about a month ago have become my family….and we are learning how to choose each other.
It has been so cool to watch my squad and team pick up each others’ broken pieces and help bring them to the Lord. I have learned so much about unconditional love and choosing people, even when we didn’t actually get to choose them. It’s been a crazy, beautiful, broken ride but after only a month, I can already feel like these people are my family, and they are fighting for me, and they are for me.
So tonight as I was standing on the roof worshiping with everybody, looking over the side of the roof. I was looking out over Santo Domingo and the people looking up at us, and the houses, and the lights and the cars. And I was overwhelmed with the sense of adventure that comes with spreading Jesus’ name all over the world. And then I felt the singing, and the worshiping of everyone behind me, and I felt so empowered. I really felt like I had the world before me and my family behind me.
Community is so important. Having people behind you, supporting you and loving you through the mess is so important.
I just want to encourage everyone reading this blog to choose the people around you. Choose to be present and to have difficult conversations. Choose to die to yourself and make other people more important then yourself. Be the first one to sacrifice. Be honest. Be somebody who loves without conditions to the best of your ability.
It’s easier said than done, but it’s so worth it.
