I have always loved love. Love stories, love songs, romantic comedy movies. The world is full of them so it is easy to watch/listen/read these and I always imagined the man I would end up with and what he would be like. I craved that all encompassing love story and unconditional love and acceptance. Someone to tell me I’m beautiful when I forget, someone to recognize my success and help me fix/cope with my failures. I would think if I could get someone like that all my troubles would be done. I would have someone to give me worth.
See, I never realized it before, but I haven’t really liked myself. Somewhere along the way I stopped believing I was good enough. I searched for my worth in other people’s opinions of me. I went back and forth between wanting to be the best so everyone could see it and wishing I was invisible so no one would see my failures.
In this feeling of not being good enough, I got it in my head that I wasn’t good enough for God. In reality, He already proclaimed I am enough, when He suffered and died on the cross for my sake. He is the one I should be looking to to find my worth. He has told me again and again
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am smart.
I am never too much.
I am always enough.
I am worth more than my performance.
I am powerful.
I am worth dying for!
I am a daughter of the living God!
I am Cherished, Loved, and Adored above all things.
And all the voices in my head that fill me with self doubt are not from God, they are from the enemy. The thoughts that I am weak and can’t do it. The thoughts that say you are a failure and should be invisible. The thoughts that tell me I need to restrict myself and hold back and not let people in. To those thoughts I have to choose to say “NO WAY Satan! Not this time! I am a daughter of the Living God! and I AM AWESOME!
So I’m looking to God. I’m asking Him daily to remind me what He says about my worth and to guard my heart for who He has for me.
