I have been exposed to the education system my whole life.
I have always enjoyed being at my mom’s school after hours.
I have enjoyed working with kids for as long as I can remember.
So why when given the opportunity to go to college for anything in the world
Did I not get a degree in education?
Why did I not want to conquer the world one child at a time and become a teacher?
I was afraid.
I wasn’t afraid I would be a bad teacher.
I wasn’t afraid the kids would know more than me.
I wasn’t afraid that I wouldn’t be able to impact the kids.
I was afraid of not being in control.
I was afraid I would never know how to discipline.
I was afraid the kids wouldn’t obey me.
I got a lot of advice about this.
I was advised to read a book on listening to the voice of truth
Not lies from the enemy.
I was told that I had the natural ability to teach
And I could be taught the discipline part.
But ultimately I went another direction.
I avoided the fear.
I believe all of this was a justifiable fear.
Because those fears turned into reality.
The teacher had to leave school early for a family emergency.
She asked me if I could handle things.
I wanted to laugh in her face and say no way.
But I couldn’t tell her that.
She needed me to help her out.
So I said of course I could handle it.
I told her to leave.
I could take care of things for the afternoon.
She shouldn’t worry about school right now.
So she left.
The kids were all playing outside.
Some on the swings.
Some kicking the soccer ball.
And even some just hanging out beside me.
But then the older kids came rushing outside from lunch.
Oh no! I have to get my kids inside.
I tell them to line up at the door.
I had one kid look me in the eyes and just say no.
The rest just continue to play.
Hmmm how do I go about this?
I’m doing this exactly like the teacher does.
I’m getting the kids attention but nothing is happening.
Finally a man on the other side of the fence tells the kids something.
A few of them head towards the door.
I now have kids about to barge inside the classroom.
And other kids who are refusing to do anything but sit in the sand pile.
I quickly decide to take some kids inside and get them seated.
Then I would go fetch the others from outside.
I tell the kids to go sit at their table and open the door to release them inside.
How funny that was.
I don’t believe a single kid sat at a table.
They were all over the classroom.
I finally got enough kids seated to pass out crayons and coloring books.
Eventually I was able to count and see that all twenty-four seats were filled by little bodies.
By some miracle all the kids made it inside and to their seat.
For about a minute and a half at least.
Until they were up again.
Chasing each other around the room.
Or throwing crayons.
Or stealing coloring books.
I look at the clock.
Some how ten minutes has passed.
Ok we’re making progress.
Let’s just keep coloring.
I’m walking around the room trying child by child to get everyone seated.
To get the pushing and kicking to stop.
To get the chairs on the floor not the table.
To get the crayons back on the table not in the kids’ pockets.
Another glance at the clock.
Ok it’s been another five minutes. They can’t do this any longer.
It’s not working.
Let’s just clean up.
Yep, that was another good laugh.
Coloring books go flying around the room.
Crayons wind up scattered everywhere.
And I’m asking them to please go sit on the floor.
They know exactly what I want them to do.
But I have kids under the table.
I have kids playing dress up.
And still other kids pulling out puzzles from a box.
All I want to do is sing a few songs.
I want to go through the normal routine and close the day.
I want to have class like the teacher.
I just want to feel accomplished like the teacher.
I sit on the teacher’s little stool.
I tell the kids I want to sing a song.
But in order to do that I need them sitting down on the floor.
Nope that’s not working either.
Ok let’s just try singing and maybe they will all follow along.
I even sing one of their songs I’ve learned.
If I sing songs that are recognizable they will start singing with me, right?
Wrong.
I quit.
I gave up.
I told them it was time to pack up.
To go outside and get their jackets.
It was time to go home.
The kids were all over the place.
Hitting others with their jackets.
Stealing beanies from each other.
Running around in circles.
I look down the walk way and see the principal.
As soon as she sees what is going on she comes towards the kids.
And as soon as the kids see her they stop.
The fighting is over.
The acting like banshees has ceased.
They line up and she walks them out the gate.
And the day is over.
My job as a teacher was an epic fail
But it was over.
As the afternoon turned to night I continued to think about my afternoon “teaching”.
I realized it all comes down to a lack of trust.
I didn’t truly trust that Jesus could give me the ability to have control over the classroom.
I didn’t trust that he would help me in that situation.
I didn’t trust that he would show me how to discipline.
I didn’t trust.
